Thursday, May 13, 2010 -While giving a presentation for one of my finals I kept thinking hockey, I’m presenting wearing my Canadiens Jersey (that Drew gave me) and after class I’m outside the cafeteria with Megan, Sugar, and JB and this other dude I never remember his name when some fat fucking ginger piece of shit in a Sucksby jersey walks up "you ready to lose? No more cups for Canada, we are going to dominate the fuck out of your Habs, they've been lucky Crosby and Malkin are just resting for the finals"
My quick retort - "eat a dick! And choke on it fatass, good luck now, last round some retard Caps fan came up and asked if we were ready to lose and we beat them, stew on that you fatass"
Megan looks at me grabs my leg slaps my knee "Humberto play nice"
Sugar just shrugs
JB asks me "like hockey a bit too much?"
Not enough JB, it’s never enough.
So please, Please Read ON=
Pre Game on RDS feed, in between French people talking=
Habs warm up, you hear some fat pens fan at glass talking shit over the glass to the Habs bench, and you hear a Habs player look over skate over and say "we're not ready to go home yet!" and skates away, sometimes when you are happy and relaxed in big stressful situations, makes it so much easier to pull a win no? YES!!
-FOR SOME REASON, I’m glad to see Gill play, the guy in the season is horrible, out of sync, too slow and has a horrible shot he should be banned from using, just ask Ryan Malone’s face, twice. But his defensive positioning is ridiculous.
-Pay notice, after whatever person scores the first goal and Cammalleri scores a goal not being the first or second or whatever, the Habs have won those games. Someone set up Cammy please; I’ll make it up to you I promise.
As the game is starting=
First Period
-My first thought was "hmmm, I hope the pens lose, they opened this Recently Overrated building (i say that because before Crosby filled the seats what did all pens fans bitch about? "oh we need a new arena, waaah this ones old" Suddenly they win the cup last year and oh look their hearts are breaking because the arena is closing? Suck it up) with the Habs and lost, and should close it most fittingly losing to the Habs right? Most FITTINGLY, that same season the Habs went on to win the Stanley Cup, hmmmm, lets do that math? Do you see a sign? I SEE ONE, and it makes the lights from Vegas look like your ugly girlfriend compared to someone hot
-Gionta has ridiculous Hand-Eye coordination, all season he's scored goals like that last night off the air batted in, if there is a stat for goals like that I bet you five dollars he leads the league. He's gifted, tiny and is willing to stand in front of the net to pay the price for those goals, his heart is so big, if you cut it, you could power 15 Hal Gill sized forwards, it could probably give Gill faster speed.
-Halak will now take over for Hasek in the "holy shit how is he stopping the pucks like that? But with actual skill and sound positioning not just "stop, drop, flop and roll" Hasek did so much until the Ducks exposed him and won the cup
-Pens fans are booing an Offside? And everyone says Habs fans complain all the time about every fucking thing.
-If Markov leaves Montreal someday due to death, illness or age. PK is our new Defenseman in that area, although he does have wandering legs more than Andrei, but whatever, I love PK.
-Crosby hits Gorges from behind, obvious cheap shot, and OH SHIT, did they just call a penalty? Yes they did, as he broods on the bench when they showed it, pan back to the ice, BOOM!!! Habs score! Instant Karma.
-Seriously, I know Glendale Arena has bad ice lately with all the new Zam drivers but is the ice that bad in the Pitt that the puck is just bouncing so badly or are the penguins nervous?
-Holy cow, Gill has 50 stitches on the back of his leg? Hold that phone!
-Lapierre and Orpik getting annoyed by each other, Orpik hounds Lapierre to the back of the net and proceeds to attack him, in short words, Orpik realizes he’s a defenseman and the puck is still there, comes around, HABS SCORE!!!!! Then you see Lapierre staring at Orpik and laughing at him. I love Orpik he’s one of my favorites I wish he was a Canadien, I’d then forgive him for being a penguin, but that was fucking unworldly hilarious.
-Dominic Moore is making a very awesome habit of scoring the second goal of the game 7s the teams played in, I’m officially glad he’s on the team now.
-That Halak rush had me screaming "NO OH MY GOD DONT PULL A CHRIS OSGOOD IN 1994” Then I remembered who I was yelling at and said "nah Jaro's got it"
-Period ending...HOT DAMN, I’ll take 40 more CCs of that period
Running around my house nervously and running back to see a second of coaches corner because I heard Don Cherry talking about someone else’s nice ties which is rare he only gloats about his own ties, which I admit I like some of them but it would be Ghetto Fabulous on me, but pimpin none the less. Anyway he pointed out that they wore the same ties they both wore in game 7 vs. the caps.... I gotta feelin...that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonights gonna be a good good naaaaaaaight
-I shouldn’t have left my room, immediately my phone rings and my brother and mom are asking me to please go to Tempe and help them get him moved out of his dorm. A very angry Humberto says “FINE but I won’t help, I’ll be too busy watching the game on your laptop” We have ourselves a deal, Driving ensues.
*-I missed from 17 left in the second period till 3 minutes into the third having to drive to Tempe to help my brother move out of his dorm, in the elevator with Tanner and Drew and my super hot girlfriend giving me updates on shots, goals, score, time, period, and hits and everything else, I get a text from Tanner and Drew and my super hot girlfriend...."Cammalleri scores"
I proceed to run out of the elevator and run down the hallway screaming, "YES CAMMY SCORED, YES EVERYTIME CAMMALLERI SCORES WE WIN THAT GAME, ITS OVER FUCK YOU SHITTSBURGH FUCK YOUR FAT GINGER FAN FROM EARLIER TODAY AT GCC, YES YES GO HABS GO" - My brother turns to his DA who stormed outside like the short bitch that she is and acts like as well, he interrupts her before she opens her retarded ass mouth "its the playoffs” she goes back inside her smelly dorm. ***
-Watching the replay I saw something that Andrei Kostitsyn has done all year in Martin's system, back check, poke check, body check and check that time on the clock, I wonder if he has a checking account now? Looks like someone has blossomed finally.
I run into his room open his Mac book and proceed to watch the game again in very VERY loud volumes...
Proceed to write what I watched after the game because I originally missed this but here you go again
-With that goal, Cammalleri earns his pay cheque for the entire 2010-11 season, I loved this guy from his days in LA, I was baffled when he ended up in Calgary and even more baffled when Sutter proceeded to tell the media that "Olli "rapeface" Jokinen is a much better and talented forward than Cammalleri is so we don’t mind him leaving the team" and everyone saying he was overrated because he played with Iginla.
Stew on that Darryl. How's that Jokinen trade looking now?
- Somewhere in this time frame, Fleury getting the hook, smashing his stick in the tunnel, I wonder if he cursed in French or English, makes me wonder also how big his mouth is to hide those huge horse teeth he had implanted, I fail to see how Jessjess and Kamal find this motherfucker attractive, Tommy and Taylor Pyatt are good looking kids, Fleury is just overrated as much as Fuhr and it showed today.
-Gonchar trying to play against Moen as if he would be a bull matador, I guess Moen is the Bull, OLE motherfucker, OfuckingLE
-When the puck is in the corner or in front of the net, Moen is like a three year old with the strength of Chara sometimes, he's too stubborn, he wants the puck, he’s angry someone has the puck, they must be hit to get that puck. I loved watching Moen play in Anaheim I’m so glad Gainey signed him since day one, and its been paying off all year, we should add another 0 to his cheque.
- Boring Bob Cole says the pens are trying to change their luck, how about change your work ethic?
-Referee scores off Kunitz's shot. How fitting.
- Gorgeous Josh Gorges deserves his own row on that team bus, in that cool kid section too. I dare someone to say it to my face he doesn't.
- Staal is a beast, but I wondered if we had a Habs player would be Matt Cooke'd enough to two hand his foot, I like Andrew Kostitsyn but I was hoping they went ahead and fired off that trade for Staal last year, that would have worked great. This kid truly is the shit. Remember pens fans, he is your Ron Francis, treat him nicely, Ronny was the man, and still is.
- WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT PENALTY AGAINST GORGES? Oh I forgot the Leagues darling team needs a goal.
Third Period, even the second time I watched this game I was nervous for that third, AND I KNEW THE OUTCOME AT THE TIME TOO!!!
- That penalty kill, is more glorious than those two girls who flashed me at 4am at the shell gas station back in November.
- Tomas Plekanec has slapped, spanked and made Crosby his personal bitch in the faceoff circle the entire series, and suddenly this entire game since the start of the game he keeps getting booted from the circle even when he’s just standing there with his mouth closed, NAAAHHHHH there is no conspiracy at all is there? I mean in 2008 there was that referee who came out and said that during the finals Bettman visited them in their locker room and told them to make the calls the way of the penguins to help them possibly win that cup. NO, no conspiracy at all.
- Whoever said Brian Gionta is overpaid should eat a dick, and be put to whore themselves as a collective and panhandle as well to give him a bonus this summer for that ridiculous fucking goal.
- HALAK!!!!!! Good god man.
- The English feed the second time has boring ass Bob Cole sounding so sad and disappointed the Canadiens winning the game, of course bob is not a leaf fan.
- The most satisfying thing I have ever seen just happened, I never knew that was possible. 4 Minutes left and they show Bob Gainey chillin watching the game with a smile, I haven't seen him smile since before his daughter died, god bless her soul.
- Still watching Bob, holy shit, is that Shero congratulating him? Shero is one classy guy! I guess he already knows what’s up. Yeah, Shero, what’s up :-)
- I love this team, I think my super hot girlfriend has a new rival but its no threat, I’ll take her over them any day of the weak, that is not during a game or a playoff game, especially a playoff game.
-I can't stop shaking, I feel emotionally drained, this team has been my frustration and joy during the season and I wonder now if having my first child will be as satisfying and happy and fulfilling as watching them play... LETS GO KIDS, you got big shoes to fill.
-This has been the most amazing time of my life watching them play in my hockey universe.
-PK and Moore look at each other all-serious, smile and do a chest bump to celebrate the victory.
-Are those tears on Crosby's face? I can't tell I’m too distracted yelling "GO HABS GO, and WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HIS FACE?" Apparently that was a beard
After game interviews
-Gill has the biggest smile on his face and saying "Winning is fun!" I think he forgot about the 50 stitches on his left calf.
Yeah Hal, I forgive you now, WINNING IS FUN even from a fans standpoint.
*Side note
- Travis Moen is not the best at skating with the puck I’ve seen him get lost and then look back to see if he left it behind himself one time too. His penalty kill was killer, and Blowing by Gonchar (your everyday forward playing defense and not knowing how to skate backwards) who was just staring at him ALA Alfredsson on Pominville back when Buffalo threw out the Sens.
-He also hit everything he could, if the boards had sticks painted on them I wonder if he would run them too? Nobody earned their goal more than him in that play, he would not be denied.
*Back to interviews
- Crosby looking depressed, like he should, looking down and something he said caught my anger, which flared up for 3 seconds more on that later. It’s not full quote because I can’t remember all the gibberish he said
"Yeah we could have won the game, I knew we had the chance all along even if they had that score, but the penalty calls didn’t go our way"
Well your fucking chance is over you cocky son of a bitch, you failed this series and so did Malkin and now you want to brag that you have the skill to come back quickly and win with 5 minutes left? That’s why you failed, your work ethic sucked and your personality obviously blew.
-Bye Penguins, it was a damn good series to say the least.
And please, don’t just tell me Halak is the sole purpose the penguins lost, you can take 52 shots from anywhere in the rink that hit the goalie and count as a shot, but are they quality shots? No, definitely not, I’ll say about 15 might be good quality ones.
The Montreal Canadiens didn’t take many shots, but the ones they took, definitely counted.
I woke up today and saw that ESPN, TSN, The Hockey News, and forum boards of fans already claiming "yeah the Canadiens won but they wont win against either the flyers or the Bruins"
I'm now smiling brightly, because every time they fucking say that, hey check it out!!!!
From the bottom of my heart in unison with many Montreal Canadiens fans I say, GO HABS GO.
But if you're a new Habs fan in the last 24 hours, go to hell. We don't want you.
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