These Awards can only be given to the players who Play a minimum of 30 games to a full 82 Take in Mind, some switch many teams in a season like Bochenski has in years past but thats not always.
The Duke Lion Fightin' Stance Award:
Given to the player who registers the most fighting majors for the season. Other criteria for consideration include blood drawn, blood spilled, heads cracked, hands broken, and estimated number of opponents who may have shit their pants. He Will Basically try to fuck your shit up even if you dont wanna fight.
2010 Recipient: Zenon Konopka. He fought the most this season and went out of his way to fuck with people, that fatass boogaard might be bigger but he cant even handle Parros and Lacrappe.
Honourable Mention: George Parros, Respect the Stache
The Peter Sidorkiewicz Trophy:
Awarded annually to the most mediocre goaltender forced into regular duty, although he has no business playing every day.
2010 Recipient: Jeff Deslauriers
The Darcy Tucker Award:
Given to a player that registers a career-high in goals during a contract year in an effort to secure a big payday.
2010 Recipient: Patrick Marleau, we know you're a good player Patty, but come on, you got your captaincy taken away for a reason, no postseason=no big raise. Lookin at you Big Joe
The Steve Downie Trophy:
Awarded annually to the player judged to be the biggest piece of shit by both players and fans.
2010 Recipient: Steve Downie, for his strong play helping the Stamkos line get some sweet goals and Stamkos get that sweet Richard Trophy but still only contributing flying cheap shots and randomly kicking other players.
The Harold Ballard Award:
Given to the executive that caused the most irreparable damage to his team by shortsighted transactions.
2010 Recipient: Jerry Moyes, using the money he was earning through his ownership of the Coyotes to bail out his trucking company named Swift, because it was going out of business until wal mart asked him to pair up with him after so much ass kissing. Then Reporting the money he took from the teams earnings and reporting it as a loss further causing TSN retards like Lansberg to bitch and whine and moan to other canadians that "theyre losing money bring em back to winnipeg where they couldnt fill up the arena and also lost money too" bitter bitter pitter patter.
The Kevin Lowe Award
Awarded to the GM who best Exemplifies the ability to "throw a grenade at 30 other teams by doing something stupid with a contract or a trade"
2010 Recipient: Is a Tie for the year only because Brian Burke, got rid of retards, but he did also get rid of his 1st round picks for kessel. So that puts him on here, but the main recipient of the award is Brian Lawton, just for being a mediocre 1st round pick himself and failing at NHL and then management. But Burke at least is trying to fix something.
The Tom McVie Award:
Awarded annually to the coach that displays the most dysfunctional on-ice product.
2010 Recipient: Rick Tocchet (ed. note; Tocchet was fired, further solidifying his nomination)
The Todd Bertuzzi Trophy:
The Todd Bertuzzi trophy is given to a player that works the hardest to reinforce every ‘violence in hockey’ stereotype known. Usually awarded to the player with the most attempt to injures, attempted murders, and sucker punches. (Previous winners include Scott Walker, Todd Bertuzzi, and Marty McSorely.)
2010 Recipient: Matt Cooke, twice once for the Savard hit, and second for being punked like a bitch by Evander "Holyfield" Kane
The Chris Chelios Award:
Pretty self explanatory, but given to the NHL’s oldest player. (There should be no surprise here, once again.)
2010 Recipient: Chris Chelios, originally gonna be given to ole horseface Brind'amour but Cheliold came back.
Honorable Mentions: Keith Tkachuk a whopping age 38, announcing his retirement a few days ago, Rod Brind'amour (39), and the very old (39) but still in quiet beast mode Nik Lidstrom
The Mike Ricci Trophy:
Given to a player with the best mop on his head.
2010 Recipient: Scott Hartnell, Sean Avery got it right, he does look like a clown with that hair.
The 'Tart' Ross Trophy:
Given to the Player who plays a minimum of 30 games and his dubious scoring antics. Previous recipients include Matthew Spiller, Half the coyotes team for since 2003.
2010 Recipient: Craig Adams hands down, 0 G, 10 A, in 82 games
Honourable Mention: Sean Donovan 2G 3A 5pts -4
The Slack Adams Award:
Given to the coach who is basically a cancer to his team and bench.
2010 Recipient: John Tortorella, i would have given it to Tocchet but i lost a bet today.
The NOrris Throphy:
Given to the defenseman who is not just mediocre, but sucks plain out, and i dont mean "Mike Green at Defense" Sucks, i mean he cant hit the net or block a shot-sucks.
2010 Recipient: Matt Smaby 33GP 0G 2A -4
The Lesswegetlessweseelessisbetterofyou Patrick Trophy:
Given to the person in hockey with the least outstanding service to the game, meaning you're basically in the news and its nothing positive because youre an asshole or selfish prick.
2010 Recipient: Wayne Gretzky, because he was enjoying his Diamondbacks Seats the night the team was holding training camp and everyone was standing around going "wheres the coach?"
Too Much Plus/Minus Award:
Given to the player with the worst +/- possible:
2010 Recipient: Patrick O'sullivan really deserves this one but he doesnt. Rod Brind'amour really REALLY REALLY earned this one, going from a good or great centre to playing 80 games this season and being -29, how the mighty have fallen.
Honourable Mention:Ed Jovanovski, not only is he failing at making 4 million a year with a no trade clause, he was voted to an all star game when he shoots the puck on the power play which is baffling that he's on it, but misses the net and sometimes i've seen it happen, a coyote player will gather the puck quickly and put it in the net, and the dumbass announcers praising jovo on his smart "miss the net" play. Horrible plus/minus for an "all star"
The Silver Bullet Award:
Given to the player with the worst goal output possible for someone who once had so much potential, kinda like Nic Antroslob used to for the leafs for almost ten years before starting to actually play two years ago. Excluded from being listed are players whos seasons ended from injury.
2010 Recipient: Matt D'Agostini 47gp 2g 2a 4pts -15
The Credit Union Award:
To the NHL player not voted fan favorite for his irrelevance to the league and team itself:
2010 Recipient: by shark fans demand, Alex Semenov
The Steve McKenna Award:
Given to the worst captain in the League currently. Has to wear the C on his chest a minimum of 30 games barred from Injury, his support in play and lack of anything counts.
2010 Recipient: Bryan McCabe, we have seen him do nothing since that one sparkful season he had in Toronto and he's so quiet no one even notices he wears the C for florida, reminiscent of his captaincy in the Island back in the 90s. Tied with him would be Luongo for his constant bitching.
The Tyson Nash for Captain Award:
Given to the player who wore the "A" for his team as assistant captain for at least 30 games barring injury, has to suck and for some reason stupid nasty ugly pucksluts think he'd make a better leader than the current leader on a mediocre team.
2010 Recipient: its a Tie between Hal Gill/ Colby Armstrong, both players are mediocre, one is slow the other one thinks elbows count for shoulders in hits, one is retarded with the puck, the other one wouldnt know what it was unless it hit him during a game in the corners where he's going to throw an illegal elbow.
The Holyfield Award
Given to the player who best exemplifies the "GOD DAMN" Effect on everyone, with a one punch knockout of a bitch player. Previous recipients include that fatbastard Boogaard for his punch on the small Fedoruk, and Colton Orr for his punch on Fedoruk, Tahir Domi for his Punch on Ulf Faguelsson, and Keith Primeau for his punch on that horrible player named Jovanovski. if i was alive 60 years ago, Maurice Richard for his punch on that retard from the rangers who recently was played by Sean Avery in the movie, which was great to see Avery knocked out twice. And Matt Walker for Knocking the fuck out of Jovanovski that had me saying "YES I HOPE IT ENDED HIS CAREER LIKE BEUKEBOOM" but it didnt
2010 Recipient: Evander Kane, shows us whats up by knocking out that little bitch Matt Cooke, the originator who would have won the award was going to be Colton Orr for his mass ass Knockouts but he demanded we give it to the kid named after Holyfield.
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