Drink Starbucks! A Guide (or not) of how you can go from Being the Uncool, to the bloated ego of "Cool"

Yeah i said it, how many of you have been to Stabucks? (pretend stares)

Come on don't be shy, this isn't going to be yet another one of my "COFFEE FLAVORED COFFEE" Leary induced rant. Or another one of those "man why the fuck would i pay 5.60 for a 4 ounce half cup of coffe with a gripload of whipped cream and it tastes like crap?"

So....How many of you have been? Can you tell me the last time you enjoyed paying so much for coffee? have you cut down on it? How many of you can live without it? I know i seldom and rarely ever not hear someone say "oh heck no i need my starbucks i can't live without it!"

Now take into consideration, this isn't going to be your typical "blog" i write, this is more of a rant and annoyed speech by me about coffee and starbucks. Why starbucks? After further conversation, it was a necessary evil rant.

Did you know QT's gasoline is pretty good? and did you know their Coffee is just as good a drink as the one you're giving your car? Did you know that Dunkies (dunkin donuts for those of you not schooled in certain things) Has probably the best black cup of coffee you'll have? or better yet other types of frapp/al/cap a chinos ever. yes i'm aware i said Chino and not ccino. (Nods to my mexis)

You know, growing up in the 90s i only ever saw Coffee Shops and Coffee Houses through TV. Not in person i grew up poor, what kid wants to buy coffee anyway when the green ranger has just been turned away from evil and the dragonzord is whuppin Rita's latest monster concoctions' asses?

So all in all what notion i got is what everyone got from the 90s, of coffee places, people reading/writting poetry, Berets, ugh really a fucking beret, thank you monica lewinski for ruining what special opps officers wore on a day off. Stupid Ankle warmer!

But i'm getting away from it, Central Perk, you remember that name right? F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

yeah i'll be there for you too. The way the sat around talked, and how snobby and high on their arches everyone around them were for buying coffee from there?

Its like a Trendsetter as Starbucks, the next evil according to everyone whos a purist about coffee, yeah in hockey we have "purists" you know, those guys who say "no no keep the game the same, dont eliminate the trap its part of hockey" Same ones who said about adding it. Starbucks now a days is considered the big evil, why do you ask? WHY WOULD I SAY SWEET TENDER STARBUCKS IS EVIL?

1... Last Year not 2010 i'm talking seasonal, 2009 christmas time, the whole "buy a starbucks drink now and we will donate 10 cents of your purchase to Haiti, or whatever country is apparently in need all the time" Really? 10 Cents from a $4 drink? WOW that'll really change the world. I remember signing up for a group boycotting Starbucks that winter and just going and donating the money you would have spent for a drink there to the charity of choice, i was broke back then and jobless and i can guarantee you i made lots of money that winter from my gloves and money went to charity.

2. The employees, Is starbucks really that amazing to work for? Sure you go in and you have some saying hello and all that awesome stuff with smiles. Yeah starbucks is only good to work for if you're a trendy little snobby fuck who thinks you do the world a chance by buyin from there, gone are the days of wearing berets and sipping lattes, now you have to wear skinny jeans and work at starbucks to be the "cool". I have never met a person in starbucks or seen one that isnt just a person buying coffee and instead sounding like a snotty asshole. Buying starbucks for your kids because you love it? What kind of asshole are you? You do realize coffee is bad for kids under 17 right?

But lets get back to the Employees, having the experience first hand of seeing how working at a coffehouse/restaurant and how the employees can have such a shit time. And seeing prior to that job how Starbucks management can treat their employers? It makes me sad, but hey happens at every place. Why is starbucks evil if every place is utter shit to the employees? Would you make your friend manager and let him ruin and abuse fellow employees for his fun and mettle with their private lives so you can make them suffer at work? Thats a bit excessive. Is it a bit excessive?

You let me know if it is, i know some drama queens like my brother and a few others are excessive like this but christ i'd hate working for them, i'd either jump off the building or throw them off. use them as a landing mat.

3. The Coffee, you didn't think i would make an article/blog about a coffee company without talking coffee right?

Right!

I had a few friends who worked for Starbucks, and i can't say everytime they gave me a free coffee that i enjoyed it, Probably the Caramel frapp or the Vanilla bean Caramel slushy, yeah i called it slushy cause it is! How is their plain black coffee? at 3.75 for a "small" I think the 99 cent cup from Dunkies is not just perfect but add some sugar and maybe a little cream to taste, and holy goodness, I kid you not, try it out, theres a dunkies in tempe, theres one in north phoenix off the 101, and one over by the hospital off the 101 and Thomas road, YUM! Sadly Starbucks coffee never did that for me

Back when i actually hardly ever ever went to a starbucks unless friends dragged me you know what i bought? You know? a freaking vanilla milk. How sad.

Remember in 2009 when coffee was 4.75 and wasn't a gallon? And Gasoline was? Retarded. Right? How many of you were moronic enough to go and get coffee that summer? Word has it this summer will reach those highs again, i look forward to seeing all the statuses bitching about how expensive gas is but you need starbucks that day.

I dated and now i'm marrying the girl who when i met her she wanted starbucks all the time, i think we made more stops at starbucks than....i dont know because we went everywhere too. And now? she'll buy it and half a cup later gets bored with it. She went from being the ultimate Starbucks fangirl to "hey a starbucks? in this place? why?"

I have a QT accross the street that tastes better to me and other people i know than starbucks, especially with the shit atttitudes of the employees who get treated like shit but tell everyone how much they love their job. Sorry you can't lie to me i know you and dont know you either.

Which Brings me to this last one.

4. The attitude it takes to be a starbucks employee to last there and to be a starbucks regular here in arizona from the experience i've had and seen. You have to have a shit one, why yes of course you have to be friendly, you have to smile and pretend you're happy to see the person coming in whos about to be the pickiest asshole and take up your time trying to choose coffee.

A. Skinny jeans? Check, gotta replace them with black slacks or dickies if youre on the employee side of the counter.

B. Bad attitude, you have to be snobby to be a true Starbucks employee, the ability to screw your employees over but everytime someone talks to you about a product you have to have a "god i should be somewhere else on this counter than to do you a favor and answer about our new "amaaaaazing" coffee" Or if you're the buyer you have to have the same attitude but returning it to the employee giving you the same shit. Match made in heaven sometimes. I know some Starbucks employees aren't all like that but you know a lot that are.

C. You have to learn all the Moves, and have to sound cool doing it, the way you waltz in and the way you order, nobody likes the guy who shows up and doesn't know what he's doing when ordering.

I'll end it prematurely so i dont stay up too late, but with these words.

Did you know in life we humans are known for taking shit from everyone and being screwed over? You can be cheated on, punched, have money stolen. But can willingly speak to some jackass behind a counter and make your order but if they as so far as make your coffee order wrong by not putting enough of that Cappuccino shot you spit it out "PFFFFT BARISTA!!!!! DOES THIS TASTE LIKE A DOUBLE CAPPUCCINO LATTE WITH SOY MILK GRANDE EXTRA WHIPPED AND A TOUCH OF CARAMEL TO YOU?"

Nobody gives a shit If it does most of the time and its your fault, next time just order coffee. and Fuck Croissants.

How to properly order yourself a Hot Female Drink

Now as far as A Starbucks of women then i'd sign up, i upgraded a few times and now i'm at the best order i ever got to take. I was giggly at the line with my turn, i originally went to the school coffee place and got a medium height, insecure, dark, bird nest for hat, extra jealous, whore. So my second chance well, it had to be great.

aaaaah omg omgomg ok ok ok.....ummm OH GOD SO MANY CHOICES!!!

Ummmm, i'll take a Smart Brunnete semi blonde, blue eyes.....extra tall (hey fuck you! i know i should have picked before hand but oh well), Nice butt, oh yeah that one make it extra firm! Give me some D's on her too! Sure i'll take C's if i have to! Don't mind that either. UMMMM AAAHHHH....oh! Italian! (pow) Medium Milkyness....oh throw some carnation milk in it! Make her lean, throw some blue eyes in there, OH OOH OH OH GLASSES!!!! (schwing!) No jealousy please! and uhhhh let me add the rest for taste. Thank you!!!

This is if russians or french women are not applicable.

And that folks is how you do it when you go to a coffee house, and not be a dick.

The Dead Mike Era- Danny Gallivan

Danny Gallivan was set in his ways and did not warm to new technology. When headsets complete with microphones arrived Gallivan refused to use it as he favoured his trusty old friend, the microphone. Eventually Gallivan agreed to use the headset (although he often just turned down the volume so he didn't have to hear the producers talking to him) but he would hold a dead mike in his hand. On one night he was interviewing a guest with this unplugged microphone. No one ever heard what the guest had to say.

How To Properly Assemble a Metal Band

1. Everything steel is good, and anything good must be compared to steel in any metal band, including the clothing must have steel or metals to look like steel, spikes etc.
2. You are allowed to be blonde with long hair but you have to be tough, for further examples look at Amon Amarth's 6'6 singer.
3. Pick a theme and stick to it. Manowar are warriors of true metal, and they don’t get to sing about anything else. Rhapsody has their Algalord chronicles. Hammerfall has their steel, hammers, and templar. Running Wild has pirates. Blind Guardian has Tolkein, and Amon Amarth stick to Odin and Thor and other Viking themed lores. None of them are allowed to sing about anything else.
4. If at all possible, do not be Michael Kiske. If this is not possible, pretend to not be or sound like Michael Kiske try to sound more like Emperor or Mayhem.
5. Your album cover should include at least one of the following: fire, steel, weird glowing magical items, irregularly muscular men, fists thrust into the air, weaponry, magic creatures (preferably dragons but hopefully not), or bright beams of light around somebody/something.
6. 16th notes are the only notes. Unless you’re singing, in which case you are not permitted to hold a note for any less than 2 bars. By the way, you need at least two guitar players. How else are you going to have dueling guitar solos?
7. If you can’t be Michael Kiske, you can at least be Timo Tolkki. Actually, PLEASE don’t be Timo Tolkki.
8. Wizards! You need wizards! If not, you need Thor, or something very dark!
9. Wear armor if at all possible. Hammerfall can give you an idea of the variety of acceptable armors, ranging from leather to ring-mail always remember to wear spike arm bands, See Kerry King of Slayer for examples.
10. Never leave Europe.For purposes of the above, Japan may be counted as part of Europe. Oh, and South America was colonized by Europeans, so it can count too. If you do make it to the US, try to be like Behemoth and do it years later after making all the fans salivate for your music and hold on dearly to every drop of notes you play on them.

Enjoy, and remember, if you hold notes especially high notes, you dont really count. and if you're not headbanging and twirling your hear like a true metal guitarist, you shall be punished.

The NHL Draft, we look back on it for the Canadiens

Some teams draft good some just plain out bad (look up phoenix and the team i'm reviewing)

Now lets take a look back at some of the previous draft choices the Habs have made before this years draft, some have been heartbreaking and some have been utter shit, sometimes just thinking about this i think "wow at least the leafs didnt have draft picks and still don't" But that can only make you feel good for so long. I really hope Gauthier does something good with the draft, he just resigned Plekanec for 6 more years, thats an amazing good start, lets conjure what more good can come right?

From most current to the year 2000. I'm not going that far back because i cant remember much only what i read up and pissed me off. Which is enough.

2009: Canadiens took Louis Leblanc (18th overall). They could have taken: No obvious second-guesses at this point in the draft so we'll see what goes on from there right? Later-round bonus: Mac Bennett (3rd round, 79th overall) Have not seen anything on this guy so i'll leave it at that. Moving on.

2008: No first-round pick. Canadiens took Danny Kristo in the second-round, 56th overall. Again, no obvious One Who Got Away. And Maxim Trunev (5th round, 138 overall) might be a player if they ever get him out of Russia, stupid KHL, Fucking KHL How Does it Work?

2007: Ryan McDonough (12th overall) and Max Pacioretty (22nd) in the first round. Colton Gillies was still on the board when McDonough was picked and i really cannot believe they took McDonught over Gillies, and David Perron went four spots after Pacioretty. (Lars Eller went one spot after McDonough but he's a hab now too). But the Canadiens got P.K. Subban in the second round, 43rd overall (one spot before Aaron Palushaj).

2006: Canadiens took David Fischer 20th overall. Two picks later, the Flyers took Claude Giroux. Later in the first round, Patrik Berglund went to St. Louis which pisses me off at how good he's becoming and fischer is....see through basically and Nick Foligno to Ottawa but he's not that good right? only jumps around. Possibe sleeper draft who maybe will man up and do awesome: Ryan White in the third round ... but that doesn't make up for missing out on Giroux.

2005: Carey Price, the Franchise....hopefully, chosen 5th overall (one pick after Minesota took Benoit Pouliot who was acquired for latandrunk). Still on the board at that point: Devin Setoguchi, Anze Kopitar, Marc Staal (this one hurts), Tuukka Rask, T.J. Oshie and Andrew Cogliano. Canadiens took Sergei Kostitsyn in the seventh round, and that looked like a steal for a while. Not so much lately, unless you count his ties to that mob boss.

2004: Kyle Chipchura, 18th overall. Still on the board: Travis Zajac, Andrej Meszaros, Jeff Schultz and Mike Green. But the Canadiens took Mark Streit in the 9th round, 262nd overall. This one hurts, chipchura is what? 4th liner on the ducks now? Zajac is a bad motherfucker, Meszaros is fucking awesome, and mike green still cant play D though.

2003: Do we even want to talk about it? The Canadiens took Andrei Kostitsyn 10th overall. Still available: Jeff Carter, Dustin Brown, Brent Seabrook, Steve Bernier, Zach Parise, Eric Fehr, Ryan Getzlaf, Brent Burns, Ryan Kesler, Mike Richards and Corey Perry. In the second round the Canadiens took Corey Urquhart with Patrice Bergeron, Matt Carle and Shea Weber available. Then they took Maxim Lapierre one spot ahead of David Backes. Heartbreaking ... but the Canadiens got Ryan O'Byrne in the third and, with the 271st overall choice, Jaro Halak in the 9th round.

That just breaks your heart doesn't it?

2002: Christopher Higgins in the first round, 14th overall. No obvious first-round overlooks, but Cam Ward lasted till the 25th pick. Canadiens took Tomas Linhart in the second round ahead of Matt Stajan, Jiri Hudler, Johnny Boychuk and Tomas Fleischmann. Later rounds were a wash ... but maybe Konstantin Korneev will come over once he's 35 and washed-up.

2001: Mike Komisarek (seventh) and Alexander Prezhogin (25th) were chosen the first round. Komo went ahead of Tuomo Ruutu, Dan Hamhuis, Ales Hemsky and Colby Armstrong. I would have taken Ruutu or Hemsky, heck even armstrong considering that motherfucker knocks out a habs player everytime his team plays them and we dont need that. Perezhogin was picked with Derek Roy still available and all this fucker did was knock keith primeaus life out of order so he can fuck right off. But the Canadiens took Tomas Plekanec in the third round (71st overall). Thats a steal.

2000: Ron Hainsey (13th) and Marcel "The unimportant/Other" Hossa who is now the leading scorer in the KHL, goes to show the amazing talent that league has right? (16th) were the first-round picks. Still on the board: Brooks Orpik, Alexander Frolov, Brad Boyes, Steve Ott, Justin Williams and Niklas Kronwall. A wasted draft, but third-round pick Josef Balej was traded for Alex Kovalev. We could have certainly used Kronwall, Frolov certainly Orpik, maybe even Otter.

There you have it folks, if you have made it this far you probably scratched a hole in your scalp right? I too have a bald spot....not really but man my scalp is burning in annoyance. SO please, please please Gauthier, choose someone who is actually good right?


Until that, GO HABS GO, cant wait for next year to start already damn it.

Things that Stuck out to me last night from watching the game Twice as Montreal Beat Pittsburgh!

Thursday, May 13, 2010 -While giving a presentation for one of my finals I kept thinking hockey, I’m presenting wearing my Canadiens Jersey (that Drew gave me) and after class I’m outside the cafeteria with Megan, Sugar, and JB and this other dude I never remember his name when some fat fucking ginger piece of shit in a Sucksby jersey walks up "you ready to lose? No more cups for Canada, we are going to dominate the fuck out of your Habs, they've been lucky Crosby and Malkin are just resting for the finals"
My quick retort - "eat a dick! And choke on it fatass, good luck now, last round some retard Caps fan came up and asked if we were ready to lose and we beat them, stew on that you fatass"

Megan looks at me grabs my leg slaps my knee "Humberto play nice"
Sugar just shrugs
JB asks me "like hockey a bit too much?"
Not enough JB, it’s never enough.


So please, Please Read ON=
Pre Game on RDS feed, in between French people talking=
Habs warm up, you hear some fat pens fan at glass talking shit over the glass to the Habs bench, and you hear a Habs player look over skate over and say "we're not ready to go home yet!" and skates away, sometimes when you are happy and relaxed in big stressful situations, makes it so much easier to pull a win no? YES!!

-FOR SOME REASON, I’m glad to see Gill play, the guy in the season is horrible, out of sync, too slow and has a horrible shot he should be banned from using, just ask Ryan Malone’s face, twice. But his defensive positioning is ridiculous.

-Pay notice, after whatever person scores the first goal and Cammalleri scores a goal not being the first or second or whatever, the Habs have won those games. Someone set up Cammy please; I’ll make it up to you I promise.

As the game is starting=

First Period

-My first thought was "hmmm, I hope the pens lose, they opened this Recently Overrated building (i say that because before Crosby filled the seats what did all pens fans bitch about? "oh we need a new arena, waaah this ones old" Suddenly they win the cup last year and oh look their hearts are breaking because the arena is closing? Suck it up) with the Habs and lost, and should close it most fittingly losing to the Habs right? Most FITTINGLY, that same season the Habs went on to win the Stanley Cup, hmmmm, lets do that math? Do you see a sign? I SEE ONE, and it makes the lights from Vegas look like your ugly girlfriend compared to someone hot

-Gionta has ridiculous Hand-Eye coordination, all season he's scored goals like that last night off the air batted in, if there is a stat for goals like that I bet you five dollars he leads the league. He's gifted, tiny and is willing to stand in front of the net to pay the price for those goals, his heart is so big, if you cut it, you could power 15 Hal Gill sized forwards, it could probably give Gill faster speed.

-Halak will now take over for Hasek in the "holy shit how is he stopping the pucks like that? But with actual skill and sound positioning not just "stop, drop, flop and roll" Hasek did so much until the Ducks exposed him and won the cup

-Pens fans are booing an Offside? And everyone says Habs fans complain all the time about every fucking thing.

-If Markov leaves Montreal someday due to death, illness or age. PK is our new Defenseman in that area, although he does have wandering legs more than Andrei, but whatever, I love PK.

-Crosby hits Gorges from behind, obvious cheap shot, and OH SHIT, did they just call a penalty? Yes they did, as he broods on the bench when they showed it, pan back to the ice, BOOM!!! Habs score! Instant Karma.

-Seriously, I know Glendale Arena has bad ice lately with all the new Zam drivers but is the ice that bad in the Pitt that the puck is just bouncing so badly or are the penguins nervous?

-Holy cow, Gill has 50 stitches on the back of his leg? Hold that phone!

-Lapierre and Orpik getting annoyed by each other, Orpik hounds Lapierre to the back of the net and proceeds to attack him, in short words, Orpik realizes he’s a defenseman and the puck is still there, comes around, HABS SCORE!!!!! Then you see Lapierre staring at Orpik and laughing at him. I love Orpik he’s one of my favorites I wish he was a Canadien, I’d then forgive him for being a penguin, but that was fucking unworldly hilarious.

-Dominic Moore is making a very awesome habit of scoring the second goal of the game 7s the teams played in, I’m officially glad he’s on the team now.

-That Halak rush had me screaming "NO OH MY GOD DONT PULL A CHRIS OSGOOD IN 1994” Then I remembered who I was yelling at and said "nah Jaro's got it"

-Period ending...HOT DAMN, I’ll take 40 more CCs of that period

Running around my house nervously and running back to see a second of coaches corner because I heard Don Cherry talking about someone else’s nice ties which is rare he only gloats about his own ties, which I admit I like some of them but it would be Ghetto Fabulous on me, but pimpin none the less. Anyway he pointed out that they wore the same ties they both wore in game 7 vs. the caps.... I gotta feelin...that tonight's gonna be a good night, that tonights gonna be a good good naaaaaaaight

-I shouldn’t have left my room, immediately my phone rings and my brother and mom are asking me to please go to Tempe and help them get him moved out of his dorm. A very angry Humberto says “FINE but I won’t help, I’ll be too busy watching the game on your laptop” We have ourselves a deal, Driving ensues.

*-I missed from 17 left in the second period till 3 minutes into the third having to drive to Tempe to help my brother move out of his dorm, in the elevator with Tanner and Drew and my super hot girlfriend giving me updates on shots, goals, score, time, period, and hits and everything else, I get a text from Tanner and Drew and my super hot girlfriend...."Cammalleri scores"

I proceed to run out of the elevator and run down the hallway screaming, "YES CAMMY SCORED, YES EVERYTIME CAMMALLERI SCORES WE WIN THAT GAME, ITS OVER FUCK YOU SHITTSBURGH FUCK YOUR FAT GINGER FAN FROM EARLIER TODAY AT GCC, YES YES GO HABS GO" - My brother turns to his DA who stormed outside like the short bitch that she is and acts like as well, he interrupts her before she opens her retarded ass mouth "its the playoffs” she goes back inside her smelly dorm. ***

-Watching the replay I saw something that Andrei Kostitsyn has done all year in Martin's system, back check, poke check, body check and check that time on the clock, I wonder if he has a checking account now? Looks like someone has blossomed finally.

I run into his room open his Mac book and proceed to watch the game again in very VERY loud volumes...
Proceed to write what I watched after the game because I originally missed this but here you go again

-With that goal, Cammalleri earns his pay cheque for the entire 2010-11 season, I loved this guy from his days in LA, I was baffled when he ended up in Calgary and even more baffled when Sutter proceeded to tell the media that "Olli "rapeface" Jokinen is a much better and talented forward than Cammalleri is so we don’t mind him leaving the team" and everyone saying he was overrated because he played with Iginla.
Stew on that Darryl. How's that Jokinen trade looking now?

- Somewhere in this time frame, Fleury getting the hook, smashing his stick in the tunnel, I wonder if he cursed in French or English, makes me wonder also how big his mouth is to hide those huge horse teeth he had implanted, I fail to see how Jessjess and Kamal find this motherfucker attractive, Tommy and Taylor Pyatt are good looking kids, Fleury is just overrated as much as Fuhr and it showed today.

-Gonchar trying to play against Moen as if he would be a bull matador, I guess Moen is the Bull, OLE motherfucker, OfuckingLE

-When the puck is in the corner or in front of the net, Moen is like a three year old with the strength of Chara sometimes, he's too stubborn, he wants the puck, he’s angry someone has the puck, they must be hit to get that puck. I loved watching Moen play in Anaheim I’m so glad Gainey signed him since day one, and its been paying off all year, we should add another 0 to his cheque.

- Boring Bob Cole says the pens are trying to change their luck, how about change your work ethic?

-Referee scores off Kunitz's shot. How fitting.

- Gorgeous Josh Gorges deserves his own row on that team bus, in that cool kid section too. I dare someone to say it to my face he doesn't.

- Staal is a beast, but I wondered if we had a Habs player would be Matt Cooke'd enough to two hand his foot, I like Andrew Kostitsyn but I was hoping they went ahead and fired off that trade for Staal last year, that would have worked great. This kid truly is the shit. Remember pens fans, he is your Ron Francis, treat him nicely, Ronny was the man, and still is.

- WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT PENALTY AGAINST GORGES? Oh I forgot the Leagues darling team needs a goal.

Third Period, even the second time I watched this game I was nervous for that third, AND I KNEW THE OUTCOME AT THE TIME TOO!!!

- That penalty kill, is more glorious than those two girls who flashed me at 4am at the shell gas station back in November.

- Tomas Plekanec has slapped, spanked and made Crosby his personal bitch in the faceoff circle the entire series, and suddenly this entire game since the start of the game he keeps getting booted from the circle even when he’s just standing there with his mouth closed, NAAAHHHHH there is no conspiracy at all is there? I mean in 2008 there was that referee who came out and said that during the finals Bettman visited them in their locker room and told them to make the calls the way of the penguins to help them possibly win that cup. NO, no conspiracy at all.

- Whoever said Brian Gionta is overpaid should eat a dick, and be put to whore themselves as a collective and panhandle as well to give him a bonus this summer for that ridiculous fucking goal.

- HALAK!!!!!! Good god man.

- The English feed the second time has boring ass Bob Cole sounding so sad and disappointed the Canadiens winning the game, of course bob is not a leaf fan.

- The most satisfying thing I have ever seen just happened, I never knew that was possible. 4 Minutes left and they show Bob Gainey chillin watching the game with a smile, I haven't seen him smile since before his daughter died, god bless her soul.

- Still watching Bob, holy shit, is that Shero congratulating him? Shero is one classy guy! I guess he already knows what’s up. Yeah, Shero, what’s up :-)

- I love this team, I think my super hot girlfriend has a new rival but its no threat, I’ll take her over them any day of the weak, that is not during a game or a playoff game, especially a playoff game.

-I can't stop shaking, I feel emotionally drained, this team has been my frustration and joy during the season and I wonder now if having my first child will be as satisfying and happy and fulfilling as watching them play... LETS GO KIDS, you got big shoes to fill.

-This has been the most amazing time of my life watching them play in my hockey universe.

-PK and Moore look at each other all-serious, smile and do a chest bump to celebrate the victory.

-Are those tears on Crosby's face? I can't tell I’m too distracted yelling "GO HABS GO, and WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HIS FACE?" Apparently that was a beard

After game interviews

-Gill has the biggest smile on his face and saying "Winning is fun!" I think he forgot about the 50 stitches on his left calf.

Yeah Hal, I forgive you now, WINNING IS FUN even from a fans standpoint.


*Side note
- Travis Moen is not the best at skating with the puck I’ve seen him get lost and then look back to see if he left it behind himself one time too. His penalty kill was killer, and Blowing by Gonchar (your everyday forward playing defense and not knowing how to skate backwards) who was just staring at him ALA Alfredsson on Pominville back when Buffalo threw out the Sens.

-He also hit everything he could, if the boards had sticks painted on them I wonder if he would run them too? Nobody earned their goal more than him in that play, he would not be denied.

*Back to interviews

- Crosby looking depressed, like he should, looking down and something he said caught my anger, which flared up for 3 seconds more on that later. It’s not full quote because I can’t remember all the gibberish he said
"Yeah we could have won the game, I knew we had the chance all along even if they had that score, but the penalty calls didn’t go our way"

Well your fucking chance is over you cocky son of a bitch, you failed this series and so did Malkin and now you want to brag that you have the skill to come back quickly and win with 5 minutes left? That’s why you failed, your work ethic sucked and your personality obviously blew.

-Bye Penguins, it was a damn good series to say the least.



And please, don’t just tell me Halak is the sole purpose the penguins lost, you can take 52 shots from anywhere in the rink that hit the goalie and count as a shot, but are they quality shots? No, definitely not, I’ll say about 15 might be good quality ones.

The Montreal Canadiens didn’t take many shots, but the ones they took, definitely counted.

I woke up today and saw that ESPN, TSN, The Hockey News, and forum boards of fans already claiming "yeah the Canadiens won but they wont win against either the flyers or the Bruins"


I'm now smiling brightly, because every time they fucking say that, hey check it out!!!!


From the bottom of my heart in unison with many Montreal Canadiens fans I say, GO HABS GO.

But if you're a new Habs fan in the last 24 hours, go to hell. We don't want you.

Ten Things You Should Probably Already Know By Now, If not? Read On

1. What’s important today won’t matter tomorrow, and what bothers you today, won't be there tomorrow unless you bring it up, right snappy?

Yeah, so you got a problem. Sleep on it, sunshine. Put it off. Most problems can be safely ignored. You’ll be amazed how often they sort themselves out.

And the gravity of any given problem is inversely proportional to the hour of the day. At three in the morning, you’ve got an insurmountable issue. After four whisky and cokes at nine in the evening, you haven’t even got an inkling of a problem do you? So why bother right? Remember the next day is a new day, and if that person that has that problem with you from the day before sees you? Let them have that ass tasting face on them not you. Simply smile, maybe wave or do what i do, wink and blow them a kiss. Living well is the best revenge.

2. Everybody else is furiously improvising, not just comedians, or me at work, so you can too

Show me an expert and I’ll show you a charlatan. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT, because, hey, women fake orgasms why cant you? And trust me, you think your old lady's O's are all real? Look at her facial expression, stare at her eyes when it happens, are her pupils dialated? if theyre not? theyre faking. Science proves that when youre around the person you love or like a lot, and or having sex at climax point your pupils dialate extremely. So go on, do your thing, i'm not gonna hate you for it.

Hell yeah! Fat, unemployed life-coach? A freaking Dog walker? You're so fat or lazy as hell you cannot walk your own fucking dog, time to give it up, but Why not? I mean, people pay other people to dress condos and apartments with furniture so they sell and then take the furniture away, you can hustle anything with anyone.
Choose your path, and then Act As If You’re Wearing A Cape. Dork out like i do.

3. Nobody thinks about you as much as you think about yourself, yeah, you're all selfish, probably.

Really. They don’t. For example, I’m not thinking about you now. But I bet you are. No one cares that you got that fancy tattoo, and if they do, they let it go after three minutes, they say a goldfish memory is 2 minutes, blondes aren't the only gold fish, we all are.

4. It’s OK to piss people off, you're gonna get pissed off by them too, TRUST ME

But if you’re pissing everybody off, all the time, it’s time to stop being a dick. Ok asshole? Just remember, hockey players have a long memory even with our concussions. Chances are other people will get you back eventually unless we decide to let it go, if we do? Hey lucky you we forgave and probably forgot.

5. Aspiration is for suckers

How about getting off your ass and doing up that kick ass painting you've been "working" on for years? Everyone thinks they're artists now because they can doodle right? Wrong, i know i suck, and when i draw, i do it for this, shits and giggles and then can it. Also, wearing those skinny jeans doesnt make you an artist. Just lets everyone know you have skinny legs and its not something i wanna see. I wanted to be a hockey player, wether in beer league or the NHL, i now play in beer league i'm living the dream, i dont care if i get paid or pay for it.

6. Nobody tells all the truth, all the time

So lower your expectations of people. When put in a spot, people fib.

We men lie about our alcohol consumption all the time. You women lie about how much you spend, and most women lie about their alcohol consumption too, how much wine have you had bleached blonde mother of two?

When i was a teenager i had three shots and said i had five so i didnt have to drink more. Now when i say i had 12 shots i mean 13, bakers dozen is a dozen to us culinary kids huh? ;-)

It doesn’t mean we don’t love you it just means we enjoy being buzzed sometimes, show me a woman who says she hates booze and i'll show you one who breathes it, same with men.

7. Life doesn’t get better – only your perception of life improves, ie you stopped being a negative retard.

You can go from being the loneliest negative black hole cancerific human being in the world one day, and the next day you can be good, whats up with that? no you're not bipolar trust me, well some of you are but thats if you do that in the same hour. You're just happier because you feel things are going better or something happened to you that changed your bad mood to be happier, might have gotten a job, might have gotten a hot girl at your side, or a guy, but something happened that made you say "wow, i am blessed after all"


8. Your family comes first, but not to the detriment of everything else

You want to go out with the girls? Tell your husband to make his own dinner. And gents, you don’t need permission for that once-a-year trip to Vegas, you just need to communicate it properly. Say whats up, and know whats up, just don't be an insecure or a jealous prick, i know jealousy is a trait we all have, some more than others, but remember this, if he or she is obsessed with your chudd ass and wants to stay with you, chances are, she wont leave you for that gay male/retard female stripper who just wants your 20 dollar bills. If your little sister needs a ride and you have this hot girl with you? Nothing impresses the ladies than showing that you care about family, drag her ass along, if she doesnt like it, boot her out shes not worth it because they'll want you to ditch your family or not invite them to the wedding if there is one. Same thing for guys, they'll do the same. If they like your parents, you should realize that means they made an effort just for you. But if you have a job interview and your family prefers you not go and you like money? Your family wont stop loving you unless your parents are retarded.

9. You’re wrong as often as you’re right, trust me

About the same thing you think youre talking about is correct the next you say is gonna be wrong. I can talk about hockey gloves and gear all day, but theres always something new i dont know about, crazy huh? thats why you read and talk to people who might know something you dont, i pick your brain for a reason, dont feel insulted thats not your only purpose.

10. Men should never wear wigs
you're bald? shave your head, fuck it, youre gonna get sunburned anyway right? so buy some aloe vera and sunblock, you wouldnt believe how soothing aloe vera is on burnt skin. But a toupee? seriously man thats just not right. unless you're in theatre. And PS if youre gay and or cross dressing, you wouldnt believe how jealous women are of mens hair, because my hair is full, it flows (see hockey pics) and its thick, most of theirs is not. Bizarre? I KNOW

The 2010 NHL Dubious Awards

These Awards can only be given to the players who Play a minimum of 30 games to a full 82 Take in Mind, some switch many teams in a season like Bochenski has in years past but thats not always.

The Duke Lion Fightin' Stance Award:

Given to the player who registers the most fighting majors for the season. Other criteria for consideration include blood drawn, blood spilled, heads cracked, hands broken, and estimated number of opponents who may have shit their pants. He Will Basically try to fuck your shit up even if you dont wanna fight.

2010 Recipient: Zenon Konopka. He fought the most this season and went out of his way to fuck with people, that fatass boogaard might be bigger but he cant even handle Parros and Lacrappe.

Honourable Mention: George Parros, Respect the Stache

The Peter Sidorkiewicz Trophy:

Awarded annually to the most mediocre goaltender forced into regular duty, although he has no business playing every day.

2010 Recipient: Jeff Deslauriers

The Darcy Tucker Award:

Given to a player that registers a career-high in goals during a contract year in an effort to secure a big payday.

2010 Recipient: Patrick Marleau, we know you're a good player Patty, but come on, you got your captaincy taken away for a reason, no postseason=no big raise. Lookin at you Big Joe

The Steve Downie Trophy:

Awarded annually to the player judged to be the biggest piece of shit by both players and fans.

2010 Recipient: Steve Downie, for his strong play helping the Stamkos line get some sweet goals and Stamkos get that sweet Richard Trophy but still only contributing flying cheap shots and randomly kicking other players.

The Harold Ballard Award:

Given to the executive that caused the most irreparable damage to his team by shortsighted transactions.

2010 Recipient: Jerry Moyes, using the money he was earning through his ownership of the Coyotes to bail out his trucking company named Swift, because it was going out of business until wal mart asked him to pair up with him after so much ass kissing. Then Reporting the money he took from the teams earnings and reporting it as a loss further causing TSN retards like Lansberg to bitch and whine and moan to other canadians that "theyre losing money bring em back to winnipeg where they couldnt fill up the arena and also lost money too" bitter bitter pitter patter.

The Kevin Lowe Award

Awarded to the GM who best Exemplifies the ability to "throw a grenade at 30 other teams by doing something stupid with a contract or a trade"

2010 Recipient: Is a Tie for the year only because Brian Burke, got rid of retards, but he did also get rid of his 1st round picks for kessel. So that puts him on here, but the main recipient of the award is Brian Lawton, just for being a mediocre 1st round pick himself and failing at NHL and then management. But Burke at least is trying to fix something.

The Tom McVie Award:

Awarded annually to the coach that displays the most dysfunctional on-ice product.

2010 Recipient: Rick Tocchet (ed. note; Tocchet was fired, further solidifying his nomination)

The Todd Bertuzzi Trophy:

The Todd Bertuzzi trophy is given to a player that works the hardest to reinforce every ‘violence in hockey’ stereotype known. Usually awarded to the player with the most attempt to injures, attempted murders, and sucker punches. (Previous winners include Scott Walker, Todd Bertuzzi, and Marty McSorely.)

2010 Recipient: Matt Cooke, twice once for the Savard hit, and second for being punked like a bitch by Evander "Holyfield" Kane

The Chris Chelios Award:

Pretty self explanatory, but given to the NHL’s oldest player. (There should be no surprise here, once again.)

2010 Recipient: Chris Chelios, originally gonna be given to ole horseface Brind'amour but Cheliold came back.

Honorable Mentions: Keith Tkachuk a whopping age 38, announcing his retirement a few days ago, Rod Brind'amour (39), and the very old (39) but still in quiet beast mode Nik Lidstrom

The Mike Ricci Trophy:

Given to a player with the best mop on his head.

2010 Recipient: Scott Hartnell, Sean Avery got it right, he does look like a clown with that hair.

The 'Tart' Ross Trophy:

Given to the Player who plays a minimum of 30 games and his dubious scoring antics. Previous recipients include Matthew Spiller, Half the coyotes team for since 2003.

2010 Recipient: Craig Adams hands down, 0 G, 10 A, in 82 games

Honourable Mention: Sean Donovan 2G 3A 5pts -4

The Slack Adams Award:

Given to the coach who is basically a cancer to his team and bench.

2010 Recipient: John Tortorella, i would have given it to Tocchet but i lost a bet today.

The NOrris Throphy:

Given to the defenseman who is not just mediocre, but sucks plain out, and i dont mean "Mike Green at Defense" Sucks, i mean he cant hit the net or block a shot-sucks.

2010 Recipient: Matt Smaby 33GP 0G 2A -4

The Lesswegetlessweseelessisbetterofyou Patrick Trophy:

Given to the person in hockey with the least outstanding service to the game, meaning you're basically in the news and its nothing positive because youre an asshole or selfish prick.

2010 Recipient: Wayne Gretzky, because he was enjoying his Diamondbacks Seats the night the team was holding training camp and everyone was standing around going "wheres the coach?"

Too Much Plus/Minus Award:

Given to the player with the worst +/- possible:

2010 Recipient: Patrick O'sullivan really deserves this one but he doesnt. Rod Brind'amour really REALLY REALLY earned this one, going from a good or great centre to playing 80 games this season and being -29, how the mighty have fallen.

Honourable Mention:Ed Jovanovski, not only is he failing at making 4 million a year with a no trade clause, he was voted to an all star game when he shoots the puck on the power play which is baffling that he's on it, but misses the net and sometimes i've seen it happen, a coyote player will gather the puck quickly and put it in the net, and the dumbass announcers praising jovo on his smart "miss the net" play. Horrible plus/minus for an "all star"

The Silver Bullet Award:

Given to the player with the worst goal output possible for someone who once had so much potential, kinda like Nic Antroslob used to for the leafs for almost ten years before starting to actually play two years ago. Excluded from being listed are players whos seasons ended from injury.

2010 Recipient: Matt D'Agostini 47gp 2g 2a 4pts -15

The Credit Union Award:

To the NHL player not voted fan favorite for his irrelevance to the league and team itself:

2010 Recipient: by shark fans demand, Alex Semenov

The Steve McKenna Award:

Given to the worst captain in the League currently. Has to wear the C on his chest a minimum of 30 games barred from Injury, his support in play and lack of anything counts.

2010 Recipient: Bryan McCabe, we have seen him do nothing since that one sparkful season he had in Toronto and he's so quiet no one even notices he wears the C for florida, reminiscent of his captaincy in the Island back in the 90s. Tied with him would be Luongo for his constant bitching.

The Tyson Nash for Captain Award:

Given to the player who wore the "A" for his team as assistant captain for at least 30 games barring injury, has to suck and for some reason stupid nasty ugly pucksluts think he'd make a better leader than the current leader on a mediocre team.

2010 Recipient: its a Tie between Hal Gill/ Colby Armstrong, both players are mediocre, one is slow the other one thinks elbows count for shoulders in hits, one is retarded with the puck, the other one wouldnt know what it was unless it hit him during a game in the corners where he's going to throw an illegal elbow.

The Holyfield Award

Given to the player who best exemplifies the "GOD DAMN" Effect on everyone, with a one punch knockout of a bitch player. Previous recipients include that fatbastard Boogaard for his punch on the small Fedoruk, and Colton Orr for his punch on Fedoruk, Tahir Domi for his Punch on Ulf Faguelsson, and Keith Primeau for his punch on that horrible player named Jovanovski. if i was alive 60 years ago, Maurice Richard for his punch on that retard from the rangers who recently was played by Sean Avery in the movie, which was great to see Avery knocked out twice. And Matt Walker for Knocking the fuck out of Jovanovski that had me saying "YES I HOPE IT ENDED HIS CAREER LIKE BEUKEBOOM" but it didnt

2010 Recipient: Evander Kane, shows us whats up by knocking out that little bitch Matt Cooke, the originator who would have won the award was going to be Colton Orr for his mass ass Knockouts but he demanded we give it to the kid named after Holyfield.