The Olympic Closing Ceremonies and everything else -2010 Edition

First, i didnt watch em, i had NOOOOO interest in watching them I was so FREAKING BORED watching the opening that i learned my lesson, note to Canada, Gretzky broke the Phoenix Coyotes, and now he also broke the Olympic Torch too, i'm sensing a trend here, congratulations to canada, you guys pulled off a win in a great dramatic manner after i'm sure so many of you were having a heart attack (thank you Parise, you the man!)

But one thing all of you canadians cant say is

YOU DID NOT BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THE USA, because you tried holding a one goal lead for half a game and had it not been for Ryan Millers AmazingAMAZING play, you know what the outcome would have been, because remember a week ago all your fuss about that loss to the USA? you remember where the States actually spanked your team?

Yeah, anyway, so no one can say canada came out and beat the fuck out of Team USA because you didnt, it was a hard game, and a great game as well.

Another thing, for those of you unaware who Ryan Miller is? Hes a fucking amazing goalie, started with the Sabres came from college hockey, at 12 years old he was announced as the future starting goalie for the college all the millers have attended, hes the older brother of Drew Miller, now a red wing, and the main reason why the sabres were great on his rookie season in 05-06 taking that battered team to within a goal of the stanley cup finals, and 06-07 within a game of the finals again, drury and Briere helped but if it wasnt for Miller, the sabres wouldnt have made the playoffs altogether, and showcases it like this taking a less talented team USA to the gold medal game, theres a reason hes the tournament MVP. Especially considering that all the media immediately wrote off team USA saying that "oh look, team USA doesnt have the depth or the talent other teams like the finns, swedes, russians and especially canada to actually even get past the PreLim rounds"
well fuck you TSN, and The Hockey News, and everyone else who said otherwise, never underestimate the hard work of players wantin to make their country proud and wanting to get things going because theyre hard working and dont give up (cough you listening finland? and you too kiprusuck?)

I mean he got pulled on friday so he could get some rest and they put in Tim "Scrabble" Thomas and look out, Scrabble let in the lone goal against for the USA.

*Sidney Crosby is not God, but he's obviously born under a lucky star of some kind.
Things happen to ensure he's surrounded by a golden light at all times. It's almost freaky.
In a creepy manner, congrats to him, hes a damn good player even if i dislike him, i still see him and what he does.*


*Never underestimate the hard work of a player who isnt considered a huge star, Mark Streit i miss you in Montreal, you are one hard working guy, everytime i saw the swiss start a breakout, and had someone break up an offensive play by the opposing team and get the puck out of the zone safely? who was it? Mark Streit, amazing. He would compliment Plekanec since thats exactly what Plecs does every game now.

*Russia....tsk tsk tsk, goes to show that having so much offensive talent means nothing, Markov clearly was hurt and couldnt buckle down the defense and that clearly hurt them but maybe they should have had more better defensemen, Daniil Markov would have been great playing alongside him, and not having a defensive liability with no one to cover for his ass (gonchar i'm looking at you) goes to show that one man cant be superman.

*Kipper you are embarrassing. I feel terrible for Flames fans.

*Nabokov you're not even from russian, go away nabenchkov, Bryz, you are awesome!

*Brodeur, hes up there in years but is still a great goalie, but roasting him for the loss to the USA (hehehe) is terrible, Dear Canada, remember 2002?

*Last but not least, JAROSLAV HALAK, holy hell, did someone stand on their head almost as heroically as Miller? i think not unless we throw your name in the mix, dude did great, i love carey price but this guy is the real deal. And world? you just saw what i meant. Chara helped but chara noticeably got walked around a lot.


Anyway, after the game i went to a park for a walk, and i was there with a friend we (well I) started getting texts from other people who watched the game but werent really hockey fans and now "were much more interested" in the sport

all their texts went like this to sum it up i went ahead and edited their "short" words and other stupid comments, so as to protect their identities of stupidity. Yet kept it dumbed down so if you read this, you know who you were ;-)

1. Dude that was fucking amazing of a game, sucks the USA didnt win but god damn you weren't kidding that today was a triumphant day for hockey.

2. Jack, dude for reals, i so wanna go to some games with you now its so fucking cool i'm definately in now.
few hours later, gotta remember i was at the park for a long time. And then went home eventually but before i fell asleep these were more texts.

3. dude what the fuck is going on with the closing ceremony?

'excuse me? what closing...oh wait are they doing that already? how long have we been in the park?'

4. dude oh my god fucking nickelback? jesus christ

5. some girl is singing out of key, she won this canadian idol thingie, wait...they had american idol labeled as canadian idol?

6. HAH THEY CANCELLED IT
'dude fuck american idol too'
''fuck you man''
'fag'

7. Sweet Avril, man shes lookin good
'thats right baby, and shes single again'

8. whats with all the little kids fucking up the canadian anthem?

9. dude fuck hockey this is ass to watch
"dude i told you not to pay attention to milbury and olcyck"

10. fuck hockey
"fuck you bitch!"

11. Sochi is in Russia?
*snoring*

they went from wanting to see hockey to hating it again, apparently the closing ceremonies has an impact on the dimwitted buffons some can be.

So congrats to team Canada Hockey team, you guys did great and beat the curse of the Swiss Kryptonite which was great on its own.

But dont forget, this game wasnt revenge from a preliminary game, mkay? thanks.

All in all in closing, the Medal counts for this olympic year go as follow, cheers.

Gold Silver Bronze Total
1. United States 9 15 13 37
2. Germany 10 13 7 30
3. Canada 14 7 5 26


Now back to your regular scheduled program, GO HABS GO, finally some actual hockey i've missed

Did anyone else miss fighting in hockey? I love fighting in hockey but dont care if it happens or not, did you even notice from the up tempo play that it was missing? Pretty cool huh?

To Quote an Ex-Friend

"All I know (from experience) is that it's hard, and it hurts when somebody doesn't love you back. But it's better that way. If somebody loves you, they love you, end of discussion -- and no, you don't have to fight for it, or prove yourself to them, or argue your way into it. You should be happy. Love is supposed to make you feel happy, and not trapped, not hurt, not angry." G.E. Thursday, November 15, 2007

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, The Ipod Version

Ok so Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is pretty fucking awesome, its got hot women, gorgeous lips, beautiful eyes, if she wore glasses i'd be in love. Yes Miss Fox i'm talking about you.

But theres a problem, Transformers Dubbed in Spanish. Ah yes, the living at the moment in another country you get two choices in original language with subtitles (wasn't available at the Forum) and overdubbed in spanish.

Naturalmente! Lo Que Escogemos a Veer!

Well since i've seen it already, Thank you Roo! Thats pretty rockin of you! and since nothing is ever translated correctly to another language such as spanish.

I decided "well screw it i know everything they say by memory and can read lips so lets go try and see if itunes is the soundtrack to your life" So i put my ipod on shuffle while waiting for the movie to start and from the first song where you begin everything, at that little kid fishing.

AND HERE IS HOW IT WENT! as to not give away too much of the movie for you losers who haven't seen it eh?

Intro *all the gadget transforming noises and the huge warping sound thats very deep and bassy: Standup by A Static Lullaby

Continuing of the intro: Inward Singing by Tenacious D

Speed up to the part where its Sam packing it up to leave and talks to Bumblebee: very aptly Tune Out by the Format a song about listening to the radio.

Go to the part where he speaks to Mikaela on the phone about leaving you know, the booty part : My Girl covered by Incubus

The part where pretty much everything goes to hell with that little piece of fragment spark: Make a Move by Lostprophets

The College Part with the parents split into different songs of hilarity: Lost In Time by Throwdown

and "you now work for me": Squeeze it in by Country Club & the Porn Horns

The Part about hacking and putting all the hot girls in their dorm floor Jetsetter by Morningwood

The Pointing out of the really hot girl who sports DAT ASS that anyone would love to fucking nail that turned out to be a pretty mean robot that you'd still tap if she went back to normal human form: Stumbleine by Smashing Pumpkins

Wheelie makes his attempt to get the all spark shard from the girl, big scary mastiff dog doesnt do shit: Spring Again by Lanae' Hale

Hot Robot Girl kissing sam: Keep it Greasy so it Goes Down Easy by Frank Zappa

That robot going apeshit and destroying a school and then getting destroyed by a jealous hot girlfriend: It Ends in Tears by Destroy the Runner

Optimus asking Sam that he needs his help and only his help : This is a Mans World by James Brown

Ravage attacks the base for the second spark piece: Burn by Throwdown

Decepticons Mobilize: The Boogie Monster by Gnarls Barkley

Megatron Being Revived: Nemesis by Craddle of Filth to quote "TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT!!!!"

Megatron Returns to his master: Human Masses Marching Forward by Zao

Random queer from congress trying to shut down the transformers program because apparently the united states goverment is in charge of earth: Thompson Girl by the Tragically Hip

Autobots are told to Roll Out for a battle: Twisted Logic by Coldplay

Megatron defeats Optimus Prime: Resistance by Zao

Optimus' Death rattles everyone: Dark as a Dungeon by Johnny Cash

The Two ghetto robots talking smack to that hispanic guy whos suddenly part of the cool crew of humans and robots: Idiot Box by Incubus

Sam finally accepts that hes the chosen one for saving optimus and helping turn the battle for the favor of the Autobots and wants to roll out and find one of the primes: Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode

They find the agent from the first movie and he helps them Find the prime plane and wake it up and hes pissed: Let Me Go by Rancid

The little italian decepticon Wheelie swears allegiance to the goddess Mikaela while humping her leg: Sit on my Face by the Dwarves

the Prime takes them to Egypt then off to the Pyramids: Into Oblivion (Reunion) by Funeral for a Friend

Sam is afraid of commitment and changes subject to directions: you Could Be Loved by Bob marley

They Find the Matrix and it falls apart: Stupid Thing by Aimee Mann

They flag NEST to make a drop off of Optimus and the other transformers in Egypt by the pyramids: Between Angels and Insects by Papa Roach

Cop Chase in the city: Inner City Blues (Make me wanna Holler) by Marvin Gaye


Optimus and Marines are Dropped Off and Battle is about to start: Attitude by Alient Ant Farm

Devastator!!!!: Selma by Remembering Never

Sam Meets with his parents and separates: Love by Day of Fire

Sam gets knocked the fuck out in a murder attempt by Megajerk: Killing me Softly with His Song by the Fugees

Mikaela Tells Sam she loves him and wants him to come back to her: All we ever Needed by The Early November

The Part about the primes keeping a watch over Sam for years now: Ten long years by BB King and Eric Clapton

Sam Wakes up and inserts the Matrix into Prime's spark: Waking Up by Funeral for a Friend

Prime whups ass, devastator is hurt by a long range weapon, Sam and Mikaela kiss:Chapter Four by Avenged Sevenfold

End Film Roll Credits: Midwestern Stlyings by Glassjaw

There You Go!

My Nicknames

i've had random people give me so many nicknames i dont even know anymore,
lets see the three i still get called and go by are
Jack (if you know me from 2001 you can call me that, we also like to call it my second mask, when i'm all business and asshole-ish)
Berto (everyone goes for that one)
Beto (family only)

as follows are the ones people sometimes call me that,

Big Bird (joey and some of my old neighborhood friends at 16 i was already like 5'11 and everyone else was still like shorter)
Bert (i used to hang with this guy named Ernie in senior year)
Big Bert (something to do with being big and the whole todd bertuzzi thing)
Bird (read big bird)
Bart (no idea why but it lasted two punches)
Hummer (some polar ice employee)
Haliburto (jewish guy couldnt spell thought i was named after a fish [halibut])
Hal (same guy)
Halo 3 (ask aaron)


i will add more when i remember them

Papa Titus, Life Lessons from Watching Titus

ON BEING A MAN:
"Don't be a wussy!"

ON MARRIAGE:
"Do you know why divorces cost so much...because it's worth it!"

ON TEACHING HIS KIDS:
5 year old Christopher: "I'm afraid of the dark."

Ken: "There's no reason to be afraid."

Ken turns off the lights and shuts the door, counts to three, burst into the dark room and shouts "Arrggghhhhhh!!!" He turns the lights back on.....

Ken says to Christopher: "See, there's no monster."

Christopher says: "Now I'm afraid of you, dad."

Ken says: "Well, that's healthy."

Then Ken turns out the lights and leaves...


ON FIGHTING IN SCHOOL:
"Always go for the eyes, and the best finger position for the hand is the “Eagle Claw”.

ON FEAR:
"You know that bedtime prayer, "If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!"

AS A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER:
Addressing an all-male audience: Gentlemen, you need to access your personal power. Look within you.
Now, say “dinner’s not ready?”…all together now…

Now, say "Get the hell out, bitch!"

the 25th stuff of stuff, No Christmas relations in this one...yet

This blog was created on 2-3-09

1. Every Cd I have, or movie used to be kept in alphabetical order but I re organized them on my new house by most important, the bottom stack on the shelf is the most important, and the one on top of the dvds is the least. The same with my CD's which the most important such as We are the Romans by Botch and Sundowning by This is Hell and all my Lostprophets stuff, are kept in my bin by my bed, the rest are on a huge three stack bin somewhere in the new house. But it doesnt matter, all my music is on my macbook, All 7673 songs.

2. I absolutely love playing videogames but only with two people, Aaron and Andrew in my presence, everyone else can fuck right off, hanging out with Aaron and Andrew is like my only way to relieve stress, whether it’s playing video games or watching them and talking or just chilling out. and yes We do Play Halo 3 son, thats pretty much the staple for me and Aaron fun! Take into consideration that i have an Xbox360 and hardly play it.

3. I have had a few relationships that just bust me up and suck majourly. Not bitter, but at one point i could say i had a bitter taste in my mouth that lasted weeks, if not months. I have been cheated on, and at one point two girls thought they could get away with randomly hitting me. I wouldn't hurt a woman physicall or intentionally hurt their feelings and sometimes i wish they were men so i could show them who is more violent when incited, gladly i keep my anger in check. Because of all of this, i always gladly say no to hispanic women, and especially catholics, they cheat they lie and think everything is ok because eating a cookie every sunday makes life better. No thank you.

4. I have busted my everything to get into ASU main campus and now that i'm in, the next person that tries to tell me I have to leave should come at me wearing armour, I am not kidding. I did not have to be out of school for 1 whole year dying inside wanting my education to suddenly be turned away, no thanks!

5. I couldn’t care or believe in this karma stuff, what goes around comes around? Please my life is a fucking tragic comedy story where I get screwed over by women and men almost as much so bad that it makes my friends believe that i’m pretty much here on earth to take mans punishment so everyone can be happy while I suffer. And I swear by all my might the next person that tells me “everything happens for a reason” will be on the receiving end of this tirade I will hang up the phone, I will simply stare at you as the end of our convo and just walk away from your dumbassery, or if you’re a guy I will have to fight the urge to not fucking clock you on the temple, because god forbid, since everything happens for a reason? My reason to punch you was you annoyed me with your irrelevant bullshit. Why? Because if I did really believe in this like I used to? I AM OVERDUE!!! And you know it

6. I absolutely love Scrubs! I love it so much I used to break into song and dance of shit that Turk did, same thing with stuff from my Name is Earl, the only place where this karma bullshit belongs, on fake stories. I absolutely love that 70s show as well, Red Forman has been a man I look up to since I was 12 and first saw that show.

7. People generally think I’m an angry person, and that kind of bothers me, because I try to do what I can to make everyone be happy and show that i’m just a normal guy, but apparently the way my eyebrows stand on my face makes it look like i’m frowning ha-ha, oh well, if you dislike my sense of humor that’s your loss. Because honestly when my humor is on? You will laugh and have to wipe off tears.

8. I absolutely love that i play hockey, nothing speaks cool to me than grabbing the puck in my zone and taking off up ice and setting someone up with my awesome passes, or going top shelf, i have a wicked wrist shot and i know how to use it. I am an absolute hockey nut; if you didn’t know that then you seriously cannot call yourself my friend. I play, I watch, i’m obsessed with the sport, I dream more about playing or watching hockey than most guys dream about sex, granted sex is one of my favorite things but to me that’s a job, not a hobby, but it is a job that I simply adore, to touch and please a woman? Yowza!

9. I jumped from kinder to 3rd grade, how’d I achieve that? I simply moved from Mexico a country that is amazing in their education, to this country, a country that rather focuses on shitty football nfl games where you watch guys in tight pants grab ass and slap each other’s ass and play the ball literally for only 16 minutes on the clock, trust me I took a stop watch to a game.

10. I learned to fully speak English in 1995, by then it was a secret well kept until I was asked to give a speech, that made everyone freak out, because A. I don’t have a Mexican accent and since I learned English watching British TV and Canadian TV and PBS, I had a British accent for about half a year. B. the more I developed into this culture I watched my accent go from British to a surfer dude, ala Cody from step by step, at the time my hero because he played guitar loud and rockin, and blew shit up for work and lived in a van how awesome could that get? My first month in Arizona in third grade I won a spelling bee, and I didn’t know English past the words cheeseburger and hello and hi. And I beat out everyone else. What does that say about my genius? A lot doesn’t it? So don’t question me.

11. I love listening to songs that are about things in life, sometimes theres song s that i know can sound stereotypical but yes i can feel i connect with those songs, only because at the point in my life i head them i pretty much did just that. Almost every Lostprophets song has had that effect on me. But yes i can also listen to something so random and stupid people just shake their heads at me.

12. I love to argue, and I argue so many things I know so much that it surprises people how knowledgeable I am for a guy who comes off as a dumb hockey fan. Trust me, nothing is more annoying than talking to people who just wanna argue but don’t know shit or can’t back up their so called facts.

13. I am scared of heights and snakes. But if you tell me to jump up a ladder and do something, all I need is someone nearby in case I fall, because I will always no questions asked jump up that ladder and do it happily. Snakes? You can fuck right off with that shit. If it wasn’t for my mum grabbing me and yanking me off the wall and rock I was sitting on, a coral snake would have pretty much bitten my leg and nooooo thank you for that experience again.

14. My hockey sticks are about the most personal things I hold, they are the dear life to my shot and my ways I do my work on the ice. They’re about as personal to a player as why I wear my visor or helmet. If you took them from me and gave me some shitty curves I can still do the work I need to play and shoot but I’ll be so annoyed at the lack of control, the curve on the toe of the blade is not for cheating or shots, it’s to control and fool people with it, I posses an arsenal of shots that most people cannot understand how I gained it, practice!

15. I text, sometimes I hate my phone because of the shit people will say to me but for the most part I enjoy getting texts from anyone I know with something cool to say, whether its me or them venting or just talking some cool shit.

16. My girl radar is far from broken, I know when a girl is in the room faster than most guys do especially my friends, walking to class at ASU my girl radar is pretty jammed not overloaded but I know where what and who is.

17. If you’re a woman, and have straight hair, wear glasses, hopefully black frames, blue or green eyes (hazel i guess its called) and you’re 5’8 -5’11 and you’re not Mexican and not catholic chances are i’m about to gravitate towards you, I absolutely love that look in women, I don’t know why and I can’t tell you why but god damn it, I fucking love that look.

18. I absolutely love spending time with certain people just to get to chill with them, I appreciate any type of joke especially Aaron jokes which crack me up beyond any reason to the point that I have fallen and started to cry from it. So if i hang out with you more often than most, take it for what it is, i prefer you more than everyone else for a reason, and you matter a lot to me. yes go ahead and feel insulted if you want to.

19. I have a culinary degree and the only thing i’m picky about eating is MSG, I am scared straight on the whole reasons why MSG is bad for you and so should you!

20. I absolutely love to drive, if you tell me to drive you to California and tell me you got the gas and food covered I will throw you in my car with a pillow and ear plugs so you can sleep in peace, why ear plugs? I have an iPod with the world of music from Indian chant music to hardcore.

21. I listen to music more than most people know, and yes I know everyone else can say that, but how many of you have 7673(at this exact moment) songs on your iPod and have listened to every song in that iPod four times each and some songs almost a hundred times? I didn’t think so.

22. I for one do not grasp the “high school are my best years” dilemma most people have, but I do believe that you learn some pretty good things in life to set you for the future, then again, college taught me more about life than high school did and here’s why….

23. I have had two massive head injuries, I’m a bit of an old school hockey player at one point in my life, and concussions were just headaches right? Well my first concussion wiped out from July 02-march or April 03 basically my senior year of high school, the head trauma that caused actually shifted by brain to the left and made my memory pretty good somehow. But the post concussion syndrome was amazing at how terrible it was. I suffered yet another concussion in 06 and it was the by far I swear the worst time of my life, I cannot remember most of anything involving the years 2002-07 and what little I do remember, good luck with that. I almost needed brain surgery actually and I felt like one of those head trauma guys looking at coloring pictures trying to figure them out. That’s how bad it was. So excuse me when I say “come at my head and I will fucking make your life hell” here’s the big surprise about all of this, none of these injuries were from playing hockey.

24. I broke my toe, and fractured my ankle in a span of two weeks, and the toe rebroke two weeks after healing, how’d I fix it both times? Hockey tape, since doctors don’t really do shit but tape it to the other toe. My ankle? I wrapped it and for three months I had to relearn to skate again because of how painful it was, did it stop me from playing hockey every two days? No way! Not a damn chance son! You only live once and nothing will stop me from playing my sport.

25. I absolutely hate shaving, I think it’s the most annoying boring and time wasting chore I have to do besides waiting which I hate, put me on hold on the phone and good luck finding me there when you click over. And if you have dogs, they better not be chihuahuas or annoying small dogs, i will not like them and will not be nice to them unless you win me over somehow, and thats rare, same for cats, i fucking hate cats so much ill swerve my car to kill one, im deathly allergic to them, no mercy.


hah! enjoy if youre insulted take a joke

How the Goverment Should Really Have Parties to Vote back in 2008

This blog was made and posted in Tuesday, October 21, 2008 =

With no one being able to really choose, Obama, or grandfather time hisself, McCain, its become apparent that the united states is nearing a crisis that has never ever been reached before. Who can we appoint to the offices that run this country.

My pal Jordan came up with the best one ever that i whole heartedly agree, but had to modify and add Peter Mueller, sensing that we need youngbloods to add to the leadership of this already great group of leaders at the time of 2008. Now to further ensue, the greatest list Jordan and I came up with.

Ladies and gentlement, this is the best Cabinet you shall ever see to be put together for Politics For your 2008 Election


President of the United States: Bill Guerin
Vice President: Mike Modano
White House Chief of Staff: Pat LaFontaine
Department of Defense: Brian Leetch
Department of Justice: Jeremy Roenick
Department of State: Mike Richter
Co-Department of Homeland Security: Scott Parker
Co-Department of Homeland Security: George Parros
Department of Veteran Affairs: Chris Chelios
Department of Education: Doug Weight
Department of the Interior: Peter Mueller
Department of Commerce: Al Montoya