Canadiens vs Bruins and their (blank) fans

Notes on the First

Saw the fact that I was stuck with the faggy bruins broadcast, I FUCKING HATE JACK EDWARDS, what a ignorant homeristic piece of trash that man is.  Fucking dopehead.  If there was anyone as an announcer I wanted to punch more, its him.  Thank god last minute a  different feed showed up I’ll take it.  Because god forbid I have to put up with his shit.

Nothing happened in the first period since I left, theres been some health news in my house and I left.  I won’t be revealing it yet but , It’s beautiful.

 All i know about the first is what my friend sent to me, "Eric Cole with a BOMB hit on that bich Kelly"

Notes on the 2^nd

-Pk and Marchard with a shitty penalty, after a few minutes of coincidental minors, PK and Brad finally get to fight,

-THROW A FUCKING PUNCH

-       Alright, P.K.  You’re like four inches taller than that long nosed bitch, are you really going to let him punch you like that?

-I guess you will, what the fuck?

- Stupid faggy bruins fan with his  sign saying “Scared you better be”  to the Canadiens,  go fuck yourself, why would Montreal fear you?  Idiots.

Notes on the 3^rd

-That’s a lot of yellow empty seats, are they too busy having a pissing contest with each other in the restrooms like they show constantly on youtube all chanting “habs suck” to one habs fan while they all high five each other while pissing?  Sorry dude I don’t high five another guys hand after holding his junk.

-THAT WAS A FUCKING PENALTY.  Canadiens midget player skating and bruins player skates behind him blows past him with an elbow and throws him off into the boards sideways? Pure BS.

-Play by play guys are saying “Price is too calm out there, its gonna bite him eventually”   Really dude?

-So Kostitsyn has been nominally quietly effective for the Canadiens and he’s being benched?  Trade him to phoenix for kyle turris.  I like turris maybe he’ll do good here.  Because I freaking hate him in phoenix.

-OH, that would have been a beauty of a goal for Gionta.

-Scott Thorton is a fucking moron, YOU’RE A FIGHTER DUDE, SUBBAN IS AN OFFENSIVELY SKILLED DEFENSEMAN, you fucking dolt.  Fourth Line trying to fight a top pairing D?  Fuck off

-PLEKANEC WITH THE GOAL FOR THE LEAD, wheres that fucking sign now, who’s scared?

-Bruins are trying to counter by being more physical against the Canadiens, only to be left behind .

-Fabulous save by Price on Horton, fuck Horton

-Kostitsyn and Moen take off and Moen is about 15 feet ahead of the play and offside, the Bruins player trying to rub out Kostitsyn with the puck after the play was blown dead and he just throws the player on the ice.  Yeah, beat that.

-Bruins pushing to tie it with the last two minutes, what a great stop by Price.

-Last 25 seconds is all Bruins on the habs net.

-You gotta Love “big bad lucic” punching 5’6’’  Gionta in the face, real tough you fuck.

-Loving the shots of Cam Neely standing up frustrating, fuck you Neely, fucking bongo.

-Price with yet another save, sorry cancer support, but these wins are more important.  Besides I’d like the NHL to support cancer research not cancer awareness.

- And the Bruins run out of time, Canadiens with the second win

- And Nokelainen took all 4 of the last faceoffs in the zone to kill off the Bruins attemps at offense.  I didn’t like him in Phoenix but he did pretty good today.  Atta Boy.

Canadiens vs Panthers, the Pink Panther, Keep abreast edition

Notes on the First Period

-Thanks to shitty programming interruptions I missed the Goal by Pacioretty, whoops.

-What the hell another interruption? I’m pretty annoyed.

-       Ok, so while this is like that, lets talk about the current losing.

The Canadiens are losing, and seem to have no upside, It took Carboneau about 2.5 years, to take over from Bob Gainey coaching to taking over the Helm, having a great season losing in the second round to struggling the next year and being fired after being swept in the first round by the Bruins. Then Martin took over the helm led them to the conference finals only to lose to the flyers who went on to barely hang on vs the Hawks.  To last year pushing the now current cup champs lame ass Bruins to overtime of a seventh game facing injuries, and giving up a 2-0 game lead, to ….this.

They’re not doing well, in fact I haven’t seen them give up wins like this in years, take the lead, or even look one or two steps behind every team in every game, barely hanging on. There’s only so much a team can do, or star players can do before the team starts to slide completely.

Who is to blame? Is it Jaques Martin? Is it Pierre Gauthier? I solidly believe it’s the GM.  Martin can take teams to do good things, look what he did with the senators, but back then they were stacked with solid players all over, but he did also ignore his young players for shitty fourth line grinders…..looks familiar.  I think its both, Gauthier did nothing this off season except sign a guy with one leg who can’t play on either leg until January at this point…and….nothing else really comes to mind save for Diaz.  Stupidly enough he took a solid awesome center in Betts but I guess the doctors found a phantom illness in him and gave him back, now they have Nokelainen, who is solid, in the AHL.

Something has to change and has to be done.  Ok well that’s enough ignoring play that has come back.

-Versteeg scores, what the hell? Why?

-Well, its kinda nice to not have Ed Jovanovski in phoenix, god damn I hated him so much, look at him, terrible decisions made on ice.  Never hits the net.

-How the hell did Markstrom make that save, he’s not even higher than a foot off the ground on his back  and Pac spins and instead of lifting the puck fires it along the ice straight into his glove. Sigh LIFT IT.

-Oh Look, Jovo is trying ot act tough with Moen, back off, did you not learn when you got your ass knocked out by Matt Walker?

-and speaking of shitty players, Why the hell is Budaj in net?  Why was he signed? Did Gauthier not read my 2011 NHL Dubious Awards post?  Come on man, I pay attention to hockey.

-The Panthers are one of the worst teams in years gone by, they shouldn’t be allowed by the Canadiens to skate around with the puck with such ease in the offensive zone.

Period over, boring hockey, over for this period too.

Second Period Notes:

-I guess I’m watching the Panthers casting because boy oh boy, I’m being told a bunch of shit about the panthers I give no crap about.

-Love that Subban is just toying with the panthers when he gets the puck, “you comin to get it? Ok bye!”

-Good to see that Diaz has some jets, nice to see when Subban doesn’t have  to be on the ice to catch the play.

-I’m not a big fan of the panthers, its kind of hilarious they keep trying to keep them afloat when they’re equally or worse than the coyotes in attendance, and often, I mean they freaking  tarp off sections of seating to count it as less seats in the house to have better attendance?  Cheating Much?

-I don’t think giving the save fo the game to the Panthers goalie early in the first is a good idea, but then again Price isn’t playing so the Habs defense is playing a more collapsed way around Budaj knowing he’s not as reliable.

-I like PK being exuberant, he makes the game more fun, but calling him for a penalty when the other player had him tied up? Retarded

-WHAT A SAVE BY BUDAJ wow, didn’t think i’d say that did you? Neither did i!  ON a breakaway too

-and he leaves the net and the defense has to make the saves for him.  Wow! Weiss is tearing it up, but not on the scoreboard.

-They’re trying everything!

-And their powerplay is over!

-The Canadiens are starting to fight back, it’s kinda nice to see that.

-Weber has a canon why does it only get used once every other game? SHOOT THE PUCK MORE DUDE.

-Patch with the good shot, and immediately with a bad penalty

- And back into the defensive, I just realized, we have a few too many defensive grinder type players, theres lots of good ones but  oto many doesn’t get it done.

-Is it me or are the panthers against me? I keep having play stoppages. Now back to play.

-I’m a little bummed the Canadiens make a shitty trade for Nokelainen and the panthers traded David booth, that totally sucks, we could have used him.

I'm honestly a little surprised the game is tied.

Notes on the Third

-Too much fancy stickhandling makes players give up the puck, sometimes its great but you gotta cut down on overdoing it, looking at you Eller.

-Man, screw Upshall, stupid Budaj

-After further review, Damn It!

-That hook should have had a penalty, how the hell did Kulikov get away with that?

-RANDOM FACT OF THE DAY: did you know Kevin Constantine was a goaltender in the Canadiens System?

-Come on guys, PICK IT UP!!!!

-There are way too many turnovers, I thought Jaques Martin had a system for defense and offense?  I wonder if Martin is puking at the lack of offense.

-If Fleischman is the guy crashing your net you have a defensive problem.

-Jesus, they get the puck give it away at the blue line end up offside and dump it and back it comes.   Communicate boys.

-Stephen Weiss is on fire, why can’t we have him?

Sorry, missed the last few minutes of the game, I got some news that just blew my mind, I may make a blog about it, if not I’ll mention it.

Canadiens vs the Penguins, The toothless Baby Bulldogs edition

Period One Notes:

-So I tried to just watch the game and then update after the period, then realized, oh shiiiiiiiii…..thats why I’m doing this blog, Merp.

-Andrei has been pretty solid lately, and then takes a penalty and a goal by the penguins.

-The penguins attack is just there in your face, I don’t know what the hell is going on but the Canadiens took way too long to get out of their own zone.  It took Price diving across his crease to stop the play.  And freezing the puck.

-Then another save and again same thing but this time out.

-KOSTITSYN WITH A BREAKAWAY…..fail

- Subban is getting booed by the penguins fans? Why?

- WHY DOES SUBBAN LOOK SO OUT OF PLACE, WHAT HAPPENED THIS SUMMER?

One thing that really stands out is that the Canadiens have downgraded as far as play in the last five games.  Something is really going on, wrong that is, not right.

I guess the plus side of this is hearing the Canadiens Radio ply by play guys  doing the TSN broadcast, very alleviating instead of having to listen to that fuck with that Maguire fuck.

Second Period

-SAVE BY PRICE, STOPPED BY PRICE, little less of that please

- Lars Eller is not looking well.

- Eller throws a hit and lands on his ass.

- If you have Arron Asham dominating your top players, you have a god damn problem

-  Oh look after I wrote that, he gets an assist.

- And Pacioretty, is hurt

- Maybe it’s because he ghosts it, but I didn’t realize or care to realize that Gomez was injured, I guess I have to pick on Kostitsyn.

- Two minutes later:  Pac jumps on the ice and takes a shift, and is now struggling to get back to the bench again

-Jeez, two straight powerplays and all I hear is “Save by Price”

- What happened to this once dominant powerplay, on the book and on the stats according to say…EA sports NHL games we have one of the most talented fastest teams, but on this team, they’re chasing the puck, chasing their passes, and falling.   Seems like Gionta and Cammalleri, Plekanec are the only ones not named Carey Price who work hard out there.

-There’s a bit I love, look up Terrible Terry Tate, where he’s getting pumped up and ready to bring the hurt to a guy just yellin “YOU WORKIN IT BABY, THE PAIN TRAINS A COMIN, WOO WOO THIS TRAIN RUNS ON TIME WOOO WOOO PAIN TRAIN BABY WOOOOOOO YOU BEST BE READY”

^^^THAT’S WHAt….sorry, caps,  that’s what I think of with all the habs injuries, its like a slow inevitable train that just won’t stop, Did we lose something with Hamr and Wiz walking away? They were technically the only tough guys on the team.

- That one pens fan scream “GOOO GOOOOO”  Shut the fuck up man, reminds me of some stupid coyotes fans when I go to games. 

- Hey look, Gionta, crashing the net, the 3 foot tall guy crashed the net.  Wow.

-  Another Montreal powerplay, vs one of the top PK units in the league as of the last powerplay.  And Paul Martin Clears it.

-I really have nothing to post and then the period ended, this was atrocious to watch.  I don’t wanna sound negative but is this 2007?

Third Period Notes

-I’m a true fan, even though I know this third period may not be amazing, I’ll watch it. 

-Carey price boke his stick on the boards, the same boards almost every goalie breaks them on in this penguins arena.  Weird

- This defense looks dismal, but at least the Penguins are helping by blocking their own shots.

-In Other News, Hamrlik just scored a goal against the Flyers, sigh, but hey at least its on Bryzgalov, the king of soft goals who looks around at his players “where the fuck where you?”  Douche

- Asham, this time he finishes what he starts, sigh

-  But in all honesty that goal was nuts, I mean the guy came in and batted it out of the air……Wait a minute!!! That’s CROSSBAR LEVEL@!!!@#$@!

- DAMN IT!!!   I guess you gotta celebrate your 700 career game with a goal I guess.

-There’s that point of the day where you eat too much say…at a friends or family members, where they keep slapping food on your plate, where your eyes just glaze over, I’m not eating, but I feel that with this game.

-The penguins are doing tough boardwork, They brough the hammers and nails and glue.  They have that puck to them on the boards, that’s not right,   I could fix that in NHL GM Mode.

-  Anyway, Habs take a penalty, it’s the down syndrome Kostitsyn.

- That should have been a penalty shot

-Should I write about this powerplay?

- Michalek with the breakaway, that was about it.

-Nothing

- GIONTA!!!!  WITH A SLAPPER from the point, Diaz threw a hit and Gionta drives it home with Darche holding down the fort in front of the net, THAT’S HOW YOU PLAY

-  Well, at least Fleury lost his shutout.

1-4 -1 is not something we expect out of this team, with a good coach there, and new talented players?  This is not as cool as you may think, I’m a little disappointed  But  Its only the start of the season, its all about recovery.

Well the game is over and a few things come to mind, Gomez is injured, Eller is still recovering, and Pac has to be injured.  What next?  There's only up to go from here, let's see what goes on.

The Rules of Being a Human

I wish i could take full credit for this but i read this a few years ago and i just ran into the link today, i have to post it, its not just funny, but true/real. And we all know about keeping it real, that is until it goes wrong.

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Buffalo Sabres vs Montreal Canadiens, Oct. 18, 2011, the Ehrhoff as the Hab killer edition

Period 3 Notes:

Not gonna lie, I knew what time the game was, but I just got a brand new Nintendo Wii, as soon as I got home I made a mental note to play it with my Fiancee and then tune in to the game and three hours later,

16 left in the third

N

O

T

H

I

N

G

-Seriously, what is with this team all of a sudden?  Where’s the foot speed?

-I did not know Cole would be so slow, I guess NHL11 didn’t lie when it said he was a 79 speed overall.  Wow

-Dear Ray Ferraro, I don’t care, granted I like the sabers, but not enough to wanna hear about them all day long, if Lindy Ruff was so great, I think 15 years would have delivered more than one finals appearance

-Price does look solid though.

-If you haven’t paid attention, Price is wearing his pink pads and mask, looks solid, of course though, Carey Price has the most style out of all the goalies in the show.

-This dumb,…I mean, dump and chase isn’t working for them, carry the puck.

-Dude, Gomez, hit the net with a shot come on, you were OPEN

-Bufaslug is just taking it, every chance they’re clearing like a powerplay.

-Leopold almost pulled a Steve Smith, damn it!

- Every single rush the Canadiens make, BAM, nope not gonna happen,

- Next rush, Denied.

-Empty net, Denied.

- It’s official, Christian Erhoff, is a Hab killer, I hoped it was only in the preseason but no, Its now in the regular season, ten more years of this shit.

-And with that it’s over, lack of discipline, no communication, shitty playing by Gomez and the ability to easiy turn the puck over the second they reached the offensive zone leaves the Canadiens with a loss.

Carey Price Can’t save everything, I’m high on him I believe in him, but the defense lacks any communication, the offense is lacking their superstar player in Cammalleri, the big powerforwards like Pac and Cole aren’t being true powerforwards and well….I’m glad this shrimp alfredo is ready because I’m not going to go into a full rant…..again.

I had originally really hoped that the Canadiens would have let Markov walk and signed Ehrhoff  since they let Wiz go, instead they signed markov to over 5 fucking million dollars.....TO NOT PLAY HIM.

You don't sign defensemen who havent played a full season in almost three years to five million dollar contracts, let alone one full year.

Ehrhoff is a FAST defenseman, smooth skating i'm not kidding i see him skating and its phenomenal, he's no Scott Niedermayer with his skating but he's damn good.  His shot isn't amazing but he hits the net makes rebounds for other players to pick up the puck and pump it in for a goal or makes for a dangerous play ensuing.

Markov? refresh my memory, it's been a long time, granted he's good, he made Souray dangerous by feeding him the puck, then Streit, then Hamrlik before the team got Bergeron while he was in and out of the IR.

This makes me a little sad to think, and i was speaking with another canadiens fan, the other day and he was saying the same thing, glad to see i'm not the only one who feels this way.

Canadiens vs Flames, The Real Home Opener Edition

Pre-Game:

-Wooo I’m excited, shame the telly won’t show the good stuff going on, warmups and the players hitting the ice and the fans going apeshit, shame they only show 10 seconds of that, I don’t really care about hearing Charlie Zimmer’s voice talk about the flames, sorry bro, I didn’t like you in phoenix.

-The AnnouncerLacroix is awesome so classy and can bounce between languages like no other.

-OOOOH, this intro is different a little, always gotta love the kids bearing the flags, even more love for the kid with the torch, that just gives me goosebumps.

-I wish I could go to a Game, I hate living in Arizona, have to wait two years to see them.

-Come on Golmer do something

-Pleks always gets some love

-Hahaha, Peter who?...oh wait the backup.

-Eruption for Price, naturally.

-Desharnais certainly needs more appreciation.

-Darche is back, love that guy, great role model for the baby habs.

-MaxPac is back and everyone is letting him know that they’re glad to see him, and its getting louder and louder for him.

-P.K.!!!!! P.K.!!!!! P.K.!!!!!

-Hmmm Gomez is wearing RBK 11K’s maybe this year will be different for him…….

Period 1:

-Cole already with the big hit.

-Habs running around already in the flames’ zone and Subban with a huge shot off the draw.

-KOSTITSYN WITH THE FIRST OF THE YEAR AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!

-Does Olli ‘Rapeface’ Jokinen ever win draws? Seriously, seeing him here in phoenix it never happened, I guess nothing changed because Plekanec is spanking him in every draw.

-Charlie Zimmer is not a bright color commentator.

-…..and Bourque ties it on the powerplay…..

-Flames powerplay is killing Montreal, stupid penalties and a goal by a stupid player, Hagman? The leafs castoff? Ugh.

-Glad I’m having alcohol after the second goal, David Moss gets Montreal the lead.

-Price is looking….ok….should go back to Vaughns, this is a uncool start of the season for him so far. 

-But can you blame him, the defense is suddenly not being defensive, too many players breaking through, through the middle more so, that is not good.

-As usual the team comes out with a Bang, then….stop.  And that’s where the Flames took over, half a dismal period, go figure.

Second Period:

This is probably my last one.

-HOW COULD THAT NOT HAVE GONE IN?

-Kippers pads look like they’re Passau pads modded to look like Bauer.

-Jokinen with a stupid penalty, Habs onto the powerplay, Come on guys!

-A powerplay for Montreal shouldn’t have to be in a defensive backrush to stop David Moss ON THE BREAKAWAY, what the hell is going on!?

-ANOTHER fucking flames breakaway, what the fuck is going wrong here?

Alright I’m out, theres a good ten miles max of biking with my name on it and my lungs are just not excited, byeeeeee

PS: I may have to cut the game short, gotta try and bike 6-10 miles today so commitments are commitments when you have people riding with you.  What a shame, but I’ll have more notes when I get back from the game, I found this gnarly app that allows me to tune in to the Montreal sports radio station so I can hear the game like last year through XM, but free.  Beauty.

Montreal.....OPENING NIGHT!!!

Alright Boys and Girls, today is the first official home game of the season for Les Glorieux, first game since the Cammy injury and big win against the Jets in their home opener.


The home opener always has Pomp, always has Circumstance.  This is the biggest crowd, i live in another country and i see it and how much it affects teams for and against.  I've watched every teams home game in the playoffs and none can rival the loudness, each home game is the equivalent of a playoff game, what more can you say?

I'm excited to see Diaz make his debut, the guy says he's nervous, he's played in Euro leagues that have fans standing up whistling and chanting through the whole game!  and He's nervous about this game?  Crazy.

Gill has twice as many games in experience than all other dmen the Habs are dressing tonight.
Injury updates:
Markov is in Florida for final checkups to make sure what his ETA is

and

Lars Eller makes his season debut tonight, i have a lot of hope with Eller, he's smart, fast, ridiculous hands, amazing vision on the ice with his passing, and playing behind Plekanec he gets to see what he'll become, a great two way center who can impact everything.  Just give him time.



Palushaj was called up for this game to replace Cammalleri in the game.

Carey Price said he really liked that he spoiled the party for the Jets first game.
Carey Price will have the chance to enter the record books during the Habs home-opener. With a victory, the young netminder would join the likes of Patrick Roy, Martin Brodeur and Terry Sawchuk among the ranks of goaltenders to have won 100 games by the age of 24.

If you haven't noticed, lately since the start of training camp he ended his contract with Vaughn.  So no more awesome pads like these that he wore last year.

Since then, he's switched to using Pink RBK 4 goalie pads for the Fight Against Cancer month of October, these are his regular practice/game pads but the pink ones will have a pink stripe down the middle.  

Player To watch today as i said last game, Yannick Weber, he's gonna make a real difference again, specially with that big slap shot.

Update on the Cammalleri injury is not much, he suffered a cut, but it didnt do any damage to his knee, muscles, or tendons it was just a cut to the skin, so its gotta heal with the stitches and make sure no infections and he'll be back soon, from my personal experience and lacking on the medical staff they have unlike the one i didnt have, he'll be out two weeks until it's fully healed.  Thank goodness.

GO HABS GO

That reminds me, Donate to cancer foundations, organizations, help with research  or support for treatment for patients,  if your family or friends have ever had or lost the battle to cancer, GO GO GO, make a difference, do something.  Donate your hair if you have to, i did.

Here's some Links:

http://ww5.komen.org/ All the women

http://www.candlelighters.org/Home.aspx for the 'freakin' children

http://www.livestrong.org/ not just for us cyclists

http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/ Save second base

http://www.leukemiafoundation.org/

http://www.nhl.com/ice/page.htm?id=25343  Hockey Fights Cancer is always a good one.

and if you think Awareness is BS, thats fine! Like i said, Donate to Research, personally i think that one is better, Cancer awareness just points people "oh hey you have cancer lets find you some money for treatment or something"

or you can do it for research which is "Ok this is cancer?  Lets make cancer our bitch with SCIENCE *slap* WOOOO"

But most of all, enjoy the game and Step Up, or Step Aside.

Canadiens vs Jets Opener Edition

Pre Game: I really like that the Jets are claiming the old Jets history as theirs,  when it really belongs to the Coyotes, who is the relocated Jets, come on!  You’re not the original Jets, you’re the former Thrashers now the Jets, who are you fooling besides your locals who can't tell the difference obviously?  You mad bro?  Make your own history, don’t be cheap.

Notes on the First:

-F@#K, Cammy is bleeding from his leg, I’m watching him yell at the ref to blow the whistle, holding his left knee and blood is starting to blot out on his socks through the shins, that’s the last thing we need, my stomach just got that sickened feeling.

-Habs are up by a goal, the thrashers are looking alright, nothing really improved from last year save for the arena having more fans.

-Gill takes a dumb penalty holding down the only jets player that’s is a threat on offense next to big buff.  Gill is our second biggest penalty killer.

-My mind is too bothered by the Cammy injury to even care about this game anymore, but its becoming a good chippy game.

-I don’t think the jets were aware of having a 5-3 powerplay or they thought pass pass pass pass pass pass pass hold pass attempt a one timer and fan on it and have the puck cleared was a good powerplay attempt.

Notes on the Second:

-This could be a huge problem, Cammalleri is not back and like they said, this is a guy you cannot replace, Spacek? Yes, Cammy? No.  Oh did I mention Spacek was injured? He’s that important…..

-Jets on the powerplay, finally get a shot and it goes wide, yet the crowd started to roar, this might be a long year for them.

-Jets have nothing out of that advantage, and quickly take a dumb penalty.

-Subban with the huge windup and I hear fans in the jets crowd yell.  Everyone must know.

-No penalty shot for that wheeler breakaway, I hate Wheeler, traitor!

-Defense is looking better than last game, Gomez needs to be a typical Mexican and work hard, he’s making us look bad!  Stop coasting ese!

-WOW WHAT A SAVE BY PRICE

-Gomez has decided to use his Colombian genes instead of his Mexican genes, he just coasts and looks so lazy on the ice, you would think after saying you were gonna do better this year you would try and prove it right?  Hijo de la….

-Montreal on the power play after Big Buff takes interference call.

-Look at Desharnais, he and Gionta have enough heart for the whole team and Will to go around playing the Big Man in front of the net.

-This offense is looking a little lost, it’s like they can’t gel, Gomez is obsessed with taking the puck up the ice but he doesn’t have that hustle he did before, he takes two strides and coasts.

-Speaking of defense, Weber, what a canon!

-Another penalty, holding on Gomez, dude, seriously I did not plan to slam Gomez for this whole period.

-Desharnais came undrafted, wishing that he hoped they gave him a chance, since halfway through last season he’s started to play more and more, THIS GAME he’s been on the ice a lot more than last game.

-TALK ABOUT EFFORT LOOK AT WHAT PLEKS JUST DID! Pass from Moen, tied up with Oduya, taps it between his legs, fakes to the left, drags the puck to the right with his body shoots it left over Pavelec’s right shoulder, water bottle!  TAKE THAT WINNIPEG, that’s why we love the guy!

-“The Canadiens are trying to spoil the party”  DUH

-Bogosian does not look happy playing for the Peg, I think Montreal should acquire him, how about phoenix, send him there too.  He’d be solid.

-Look at Diaz out-muscled by Buff and he still takes the puck away from him.  Snack on that!

-Is it me or in the last three minutes of the periods the play has picked up, back and forth back and forth.

Notes on the Third:

-It’s carrying over, with both teams tempo, back and forth

-Save for the dumb penalty parade on both teams.  No  one is getting anything on the powerplay.

-Man weber should use his killer shot, what a whopper.

-Look at Stuart being a big mean defenseman by charging against Gionta.

-Whole team sticks up for the captain!

-Another dumb penalty by the jets, and SCORE, right after I typed that. And its Weber!

-Weber has the will, Antroslob should learn

-Moen scores!  Really? You’re giving the assist to the linesmen for trying to keep Winnipeg from winning?   You just got the team back! And Finally got over complaining that Bettman robbed you and now you’re blaming the stripes?  Idiots!

-Bad shot, off on the rush, MaxPac is hauling it, and what a beauty of a goal!   He’s back!  Glad to see it too.

-They should keep Weber on the D, look at him go!  In the years past the big shots were  like I said in the other post Souray, Streit, and Hamr or Markov and recently Bergeron then Wiz, now it’s gonna be Weber.  And he can play Defense too!

-The team is looking much better this game. 

-Speaking of D again, Diaz is looking good too, not on this penalty but he’s gonna be that quietly good defenseman the team has, like Hamr used to be but faster.

-Practice really makes a team better.

-Note about the Jets, Brett MacLean was a Coyotes prospect and because the Coyotes coach, Dave Tippet refuses to acknowledge young talent and only likes to play veterans, the Coyotes had to get rid of him, what a shame, he’s already making an impact for Winnipeg. GMDM may start looking like a bigger idiot as of late now.

-Winnipeg fans are happy they got their team, even in a loss, wonder how long this is going to last?

Game Over, Habs win! Suck it Jets.

Price was looking great today, good form. 

Thoughts on Game 1

So Montreal is doing three opening nights in a row, todays vs Toronto, then Winnipegs, then home to Quebec to do their own.  That has to be exhausting.

All I know is i\I probably won't be able to watch every single Habs game, so this blog will go mainly on what i can have the time to watch, the rest will be staring at my Optimus-T and yelling at stats made visible every 30 seconds, and trust me, last season i did.

As for thoughts? 

Just a few, the D already has a problem if Campoli is now injured, sheesh, that was quicker than last year, hopefully he took all the injured legs with him that way Markov doesn’t have to have another one when he comes back or anyone else for that matter, i think they need to trust Weber already, he's fast, good in all situations, has a good shot and great wrister, but hes gonna get frustrated and want out if they dont put him in situations he wants to play

As for the powerplay, Montreal always finds a guy to have the big booming shot.  First it was Souray, then Streit, then Markov and Hamrlik, they Somehow made Bergeron work, and now its Subban and Weber.  So i think it's gonna be ok for now.

Betts is going to replace Enqvist on the line he currently employs and Enqvist should be sent back down.  He has no heart, has skill but looks bored out there. Montreal doesn’t need a Semin attitude type.

It’s not the preseason, so I know some of you are already freaking out, but its only game one, as long as it doesn’t snowball into a horrible situation, I think they’ll be alright, besides, it could be worse, and I know Newton’s law, and it could be, but theres too many people involved to let it reach Sharks in the early 90s mode.  So chill a little right?

Maple Leafs vs Montreal Canadiens, NHL Opening Night version 2011-12

Pregame notes:

It’s Toronto, grapes, not “Tarana”

Not a bad intro by the Leafs staff, way better than the Cique Du So Lame that Edmonton had a few years.

Jim Hughson says “Canadiens fans have been Chill about goaltending after Price took over in net so that’s no longer a questionmark”   Geee, what gave it away?

Notes on the First Period:

-I’m certainly not impressed by Enqvist yet, he looks bored out there and gives up the puck too easily on a rush, that is not what the team needs when trying to generate offense on a semi dismal lower lines.

-Diaz, not Mexican with a Mexican Name, yeah son, 7 years of experience playing in an elite league and just steps in to the spot Hamr used to be in.  His first play?  Almost resulted in a goal!

-Already 6 minutes in to the season and the leafs are already looking sloppy on defense.

-Nice failed attempt at a headshot there Rosehill.

-It’s nice to see Desharnais with his own  name on his gloves after years of wearing other player used gloves.

-Diaz looks a little shaky coming around the net, its only the first game of the season, no biggie, welcome to the big club, please do a great job.

-5^th Leaf icing, their offense looks either dismal or the Canadiens defense is already doing a good job with containing the puck, they go in and as soon as it hits the boards the puck starts heading up ice again 10-15 seconds of offense side time.

-Campoli with the long pass, I have a feeling everytime I will see one of those I’ll have the Hawks OT loss flashing over and over and over.

-Look at Subbans Poise with the puck! “oh I got it, oh you want it from me,  spins skates here you go take it up ice boys”

-Moen somehow looks faster than last year,  this could be a good time for the grinder. 

-Patches looks good out there, comfortable, good rushing just needs to finish better.

-What a play, shame that Cole could not convert, but gives Montreal the Powerplay.

-Subban’s one-timer windup came with a bomb siren last year, this year its executing faster and not as loud anymore, but still powerful.

-So far its been a good back and forth game, when I say back and forth I mean, the leafs take the puck up the ice and Montreal takes it away and goes back for a scoring chance, over and over and over and horn sounds for the end of the period.

Second Period:

-Look at all those empty seats!  And they bitch about other teams having empty seats.

-Lombardi  comes back to the league after being off from a concussion, and his speed shows like it did with the coyotes, not a single Montreal player went to the puck  they just flew to the other side, and Lombardi makes them pay.

-True story, whenever Lombo would take off with the puck, Phoenix fans rose up off their seats, it usually resulted in something good.

-Leafs look energized and Montreal completely lost that powerplay.  Where’s the effort boys?

-Toronto is on fire!  I guess they woke up after Don Cherry saying this was the most boring first period he had ever see.

-Gorges’ foot speed looks a little slower this year, I know knee issues make it a little harder though.  That penalty had to happen though, Steckel is about four inches bigger than him.

-Side note, I really don’t like those numbers on top of the Helmets, they’re already  on the back, why the hell do you need them in the front?  Let the NBA fans figure it out with the huge ones on back and ones on the arms.

-Montreal leads SOG by over 10 and down 1-0.  Montreal’s finishers need to pick it up.

-Bozak piles into Price after bowling over Spachoman, Glad Price is ok after taking all of Spacek’s body onto his right knee.

-Oh Komisarek, you’re so tough taking on little Gionta, who won’t take it from you.

-And the Injury train has Radio’d in.  Campoli left the bench limping favoring his leg.

-It’s Give away central all of a sudden! “lets take the puck up the ice, here you take it!  CRAP”

-I don’t really care about CBC appraising the Uniballer, we know he’s good with 30 goals the last few years, but I still don’t care.

-Campoli has to be rethinking his contract to join the Habs Defense, guess he didn’t take note from the injuries last year.

-Bench Minor the Montreal, lets throw the guy bored to be playing in the box to serve it.

-Took  the Leafs almost the full powerplay to finally take a shot. On a 5 on 3.

-The knife takes a time out to keep the PK unit on ice, he knows whats up, and with that the period runs out and the Leafs PP fails on a 5 on 3.

Notes on the Third:

-I guess the Canadiens decided to stand still for the start of the period after killing the penalty and now the Leafs are back on the powerplay.

-Powerplay killed, don’t be so stupid Gomez.  And I type this right as he got boarded face first into the boards.  No penalty? Really?  What the hell?

-Annnnnnnnd, Mr. Sloppy Seconds scores.  2-0 Toronto, what the hell happened to the jump and dominance the Canadiens had going on in the first?

-Left the store to buy components for Dinner.

1:43 left in the third, Still down 2-0, Empty Net.

-Nothing is happening, attempts to scramble like they always did last season and NOTHING.  This is gonna be a good year.

HOCKEY IS BACK!!!

2011-12 Hockey Season

And they’re off Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, and babies!

The puck has just been dropped and its game one Montreal Canadiens vs the Hated Toronto Maple Leafs, what better way would you rather have an opening night game of the season do you?  The Booing from Toronto is music to our ears as Montreal Fans, we’ll boo your team too.

This is going to be a great year, so much to prove, so much to improve on, and so much to see.

Will Desharnais finally prove to Martin that he is in fact a solid core player, faster than almost everyone on the team, one of the most dangerous players on the ice with the puck.  And ALREADY showing it right now!!! What a beauty!

Will Pleks have another fantastic season that could result in him winning the Selke like he so deserves?  Finally giving him some credit?

How many goals will Cole be getting?

Whats Cammalleri going to be getting as far as goals and points?  Will he proceed to get the output he predicted?

How many wins will Price get? And is he going to just be even better and steal even bigger games?

How good will the team be on year three under the Knife?

If you have thoughts, let me know and let me know about your team!

Movies/TV Shows, in a Nutshell

So this one is a fun movie summary post.  This one will be updated on a regular basis since well....everyone watches movies am i right?  I hope so.  Haven't been going to the movies lately just because nothing great has been playing.  Let's hope winter brings us some good ones.

Feel free to add your own if you like, you will receive credit. 

300: Gays kill blacks.

8 MILE: White man successfully copies black culture to impress other whites and blacks.

A CRY IN THE DARK: Dogs eat baby, confusion follows.

ALIEN: Ship fails to deliver cargo, crew don’t get bonus.

ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

ALMOST HEROES: Chandler hires Farley to guide him to the west coast, then decide to hit up Canada

ALPHA DOG: stoner shits on drug dealers carpet, brother kidnapped loses virginity to two hot chicks and killed next day, and Justin Timberlake goes to jail.

AMADEUS: Man with health problems receives help from rival.

AMERICAN PSYCHO: 80s yuppie goes on murder streak, no one believes him because he’s such a pussy.

AMERICAN HISTORY X: White supremacist enjoys teaching other people manners via curbs.  Goes to jail and repents after being raped.

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Tourist causes riot.

ANCHORMAN: Someone kills a guy with a trident; dog gets thrown over bridge over a burrito, and saves man and woman from bear.

ANIMAL HOUSE: Teaches you to drink hard, heavy and lots of amounts of booze, makes you look forward to college. Why aren’t you watching it?

AVIATOR: guy with OCD revolutionizes planes, puts own shit in jars after girl breaks his heart.

BASEKETBALL: “Shut Up Bitch!” 
‘GOD DAMN IT MAN STOP FUCKING RAGGIN ON ME’
“stupid bitch”
‘I swear you guys rag on me 13 or 14 more times I’m out of here....well at least i'm on the team’

BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill, proceeds to cock block himself from hot woman he loves, over and over and over.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm syndrome.

BECKER: narcissistic doctor tells patients to screw off, just wants food from diner, doesn’t think hot secretary is hot enough to bang.

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH: Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich? Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich…. Malkovich!!! Malkovich

BE KIND, REWIND: Neighborhood idiot can’t sing Ghostbusters theme.

BENJI: Family abandons beloved pet, forcing it to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI: Someone pisses on a loser bowlers carpet, must get revenge, they have In n Out burger, gay Germans get bowling ball to his balls, meets gnarly red head gets her pregnant.

BILLY ELLIOT: England is in Shambles; hard working guy has a boy who wants to dance, even if everyone looks at his pants.

BIO DOME:  “I’M A SHERMAN TANK”

BLACK DEATH: Catholics try to punish and convert locals for not being religious, but plans to forcefully convert people backfire on them. Take that Catholic Church.

BLADES OF GLORY: Washed out still in 80s debauchery mentality figure skater clashes with retard who dances for Mexican in high school a few years ago. Both win gold medal.

BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE= Girl encounters vampire assassin, flirt, then help each other in killing their teacher.

BLUES BROTHERS: two brothers go on a mission from god to get the band back together, play music, and save the church a penguin lives in, lots of driving involved, something about catching a Katy.

BLUES BROTHERS 2000: Band leader gets out of jail, reunites band, kidnaps kid, possesses police officer into joining the band, John Goodman gets over stage fright.

BOLT: Estranged dog is lied to, goes cross country to find out he’s replaced, makes a cat friend, pigeons say 'Ridonculous'

BOOGIE NIGHTS: Deformed boy goaded into life of crime.

BOURNE IDENTITY: Guy gets amnesia, beats the shit out of people with hands, pens and feet, meets hot girl, drives mini cooper.

BOURNE SUPREMACY: Girl Dies, he gets revenge, beats up more guys.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB: Saturday detention jackasses figure out they know each other somehow, nice girl fucks bad boy, virgin boy stays alone as usual, jock gets quiet psycho girl who’s hot.

BREAKING DAWN: Native American guy is romantically obsessed with ex-girlfriend’s baby.

BRIDESMAIDS: SNL cast attempts to copy all the recent successful films of awkward humor into a wedding movie.  Not much hilarity ensues; woman in her mid thirties comes of age.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.

CAMILLE: Guy gets stuck marrying chick he doesn’t want.

CASTAWAY: Mailman takes his job too seriously, Wilson, his best friend drowns, so much for loyalty.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.

CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.

CHEERS: Alcoholic cuts lime in bar as penance for his womanizing ways.

CHINATOWN: Father desires closer relationship with his children.

CHRISTMAS VACATION: Incestuous relatives teach family the meaning of Christmas.

CLERKS: Aimless loser remains in dead-end job, abusive “friendship.”

CLERKS II: Aimless loser finally gets someone that wants his dumbass, decides to cheat and stay with a much hotter girl, abusive friend fesses up gay love for him, go to jail and proceed to go back to old loser ass job.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS: Scientist learns to feed the homeless without a cost. City gets fat, homeless disappear.

COBRA: Cop breaks rules to successfully harass gangs, and then destroys his favorite car.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.

CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own, more young emos ensue with wet dreams, suddenly they want nightmare before Christmas sequel.

CRANK: Drug addict spends last day in orgy of rape and violence.

CRASH: shit happens to everyone, somehow everything is involved, and it’s a small world after all. Small world.

THE CRAZIES:  Small town has trouble adjusting to drugs.

CUJO: Family neglects to give family pet rabies shots, pays price.

CURIOUS GEORGE: Guy who loves wearing yellow takes in monkey.  This causes a few mishaps.

DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his friends and girlfriend killed.

DAYBREAKERS:  Everyone’s obsession to become vampires comes true, and then the world runs out of blood, whoops.

DEADWOOD: Pimp and rapist charms frontier town into eventual fire-based disaster.

DELIVERANCE: Tourists experience local hospitality.

DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.

DETROIT ROCK CITY: teenagers want to see kiss, steal Volvo, get priest high (what else is new) meet hot chick, throw pizza, see kiss, boy fucks dream girl in church, tells deranged obsessive mom to fuck off.

DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.

DOCTOR FAUSTUS: Scholar leans nuances of contract law.

DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women takes them on adventures, some are hot.

DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.

(Bram Stoker’s) DRACULA: Immigrant clashes with locals.

DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL:  Guy wants out of the hood, black power guy sticks it to the white man by nailing his milk of magnesia.  Midget becomes paraplegic.

DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR?: Kelso and other idiot lose car, have two hot girlfriends us guys wouldn’t mind nailing; somehow they get to be heroes instead.

EASTERN PROMISES: Aragorn has naked fighting scene, sure knows how to destroy a human body beyond recognition, turned out to be a cop.

EASY A: Hot girl fakes her way to good grades by opening her legs, without opening her legs.  Moral of the story, nerds/gamers/virgins are too easy.

E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

EVOLUTION: Ethan Supplee uses a lot of head and shoulders, helps save world by giving monster a head n shoulders enema.

FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH: guy gets fired for telling a customer how it is, stoner still doesn’t know what happened.

FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former roommate.

FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.

FEVER PITCH: Geeky high school teacher meets super hot girlfriend, must choose between Red Sox or banging her, smartly she makes him choose both, good girl, women are you reading this?

FIELD OF DREAMS: Schizophrenic builds Ball Park, almost kills girl.

FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.

FIREFLY: In an analogue of the post-Civil War west, a white man on the losing side bosses around a black woman.

FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS:  A Young couple realizes that you can’t fuck each other without love getting in the way.  But more hilarious than real life, since women cause so much drama.

GARDEN STATE: Emotionally deranged Wanna-be Actor loses mom, goes home for funeral, proceeds to go on drug binge, meets hot girl, breaks her heart. What kinda fag turns down Natalie Portman?

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR: Sean Avery’s sloppy seconds fucks teen boy, turns out she’s a porn star, makes every porno creep believe the same could happen to them.

GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS: Critique of Catholicism upstaged by polar bear fight.

GONE WITH THE WIND: Rich, white slave owner enjoys getting raped, proceeds to have a miscarriage.

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.

GOOD DICK: Girl into porn can’t have social life and find a good guy, CHECK IT OUT IT’S A ROLE REVERSAL, but fictional.

GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim, applesauce bitch.

THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.

GROUNDHOG DAY: Misanthropic creep exploits space/time anomaly to stalk coworker.

GROWN UPS:  Youth friends get back together; realize they have a good life save for the guy banging a corpse.

HACKERS: Cybercriminals on revenge kick destroy innumerable jobs.

HAIR: Hippie dodges draft, dies ironically.

HALLOWEEN: Babysitter’s relationship with murderer places children in danger.

HAROLD AND KUMAR: Stoners want hamburgers an hour away, Anthony Anderson freaks out, Asian stoner wants to bang Hispanic girl, other stoner cock blocks him. Love stains ensue on car with hookers and doctor doogie.

HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.

HIGHLANDER: Elderly immigrant destroys property, decapitates other elderly people.

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE: former mob crazy guy makes new life, former employer wants to kill him, coffee in that town isn’t as good as the one back in Philly.

THE HITCHHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY: Illegal alien saves one loser human out of the entire earth, goes on adventure to have earth rebuilt, runs into hot girl he loved, they kill little people with teacups.

THE HOST: Korean man has difficulty looking after his daughter and running a restaurant out of his cart.

HOT SHOTS: Disgruntled armed forces veteran chases girl and glory.

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE: Guys go back in time to redo their past, relive old glory and make life better.  Guy pukes on squirrel.

THE INCREDIBLE JOURNEY: Family abandons beloved pets, forcing them to engage in a dangerous cross-country journey.

IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.

WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.

IT: Children use horrific murders as excuse to run train on young girl.

JFK: Family man wastes life for nothing in crusade against homosexuals.

JUDGE DREDD: Fascist thug in bleak dystopia is cheered.

JUMPER: Teen girl likes guy who can disappear to other far away places, proceeds to get kidnapped by a Jedi master.

JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.

JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.

KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.

KICK-ASS: Local kid decides to step up instead of step aside, gets to fly in a jet pack.

KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.

KINDERGARTEN COP: Incompetent left in charge of children, who are eventually fired at by convicted felon.

KING KONG: Endangered animal stolen, shot.

KUNG-FU PANDA: Fat lazy bum panda proves fat peoples dreams that they can be something beside a fat ass.

LAST ACTION HERO: Ahnold smokes cigars can’t be killed, kidnaps kid through golden ticket, ahnold talks to ahnold. Sonya Blade is his Daughter.

LEGION: The lord forgets how to keep it real, we also find out Angels are vicious violent assholes.

LITTLE BIG LEAUGE: Kid inherits baseball team, brings respect back to baseball, lockout ruins it a few years later.

LITTLE NICKY: Satan’s Retarded Son saves Satan from Debo and other gay brother; chick from legally blonde turns out to be the retards mom. It’s all in the hips.

THE LITTLE RASCALLS: bunch of kids sell fried chicken to rebuild soapbox car for race.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

THE MACHINIST: Local factory worker refuses to take a nap, decides everyone is against him.

MADEA GOES TO JAIL:  Menace to society goes to jail and gets out on a technicality, Lawyer also falls in love with prostitute and sends his fiancée to jail.

MARLEY AND ME: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

THE MATRIX: Hacker is given perfect justification for mass slaughter.

MAURICE RICHARD: THE ROCKET= greatest hockey movie to ever be made, knocks out Sean Avery twice, fuck you Sean Avery.

THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS: the army wastes resources and money on teaching men to play stare contests with goats until goats fall.

METROPOLIS: Efficient society undone by unions.

MICHAEL CLAYTON: Attorney works against client’s interests.

MILK: Uppity queer dies.

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: British comedy troupe inadvertently creates language lab for nerds.

MY GIRL: Boy killed by female friend’s irresponsibility.

MY SASSY GIRL (Korean film): Guy meets drunken chick, girl proceeds to abuse him so she can meet some other guy, two years later turned out that was the guy she was to meet.

My SASSY GIRL (American version): Sean Avery's sloppy seconds needs meds to stop acting like a weird bitch. She abuses Guy, both slap each other. Watch Korean film please.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE: Retard meets cute girl and illegal immigrant, proceed to help immigrant become class president, dancing to Jamiroquai ensues.

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Dangerous insurgent invades neighboring country, causes emos to have wet dreams.

NO SLEEP ‘TIL MADISON: drunken boring comedians take road trip to the Madison hockey tournament, nothing funny happens.

THE OFFICE: Incompetent boss routinely endangers employees, passes fire-worthy blame, sexually harasses subordinates; is seen as “hero” compared to people who just actually work.

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.

OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.

OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.

OF MICE AND MEN: Migrant farmer murders mentally handicapped friend, this has nothing to do with mice at all.

ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST: Disruptive mental patients treated.

THE OTHER GUYS:  Desk jockey cops get jealous of other cops decide to take to the street, mess up a gas saver car.

OUTSOURCED:  Guy loses his job, has to go to India and train people with shit accents everyone hates on the phone, years later they come here to Arizona and ruin our call centers.

PAPER HEART: Asian girl manages a way to make a Michael Cera movie THAT MUCH MORE BORING!!!!

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen; this ideology causes Kyle from southpark to have a nervous breakdown.

PATHFINDER: Viking helps Native Americans hold off other Vikings from conquering the Americas, Spaniards show up later and take care of business.

THE PEOPLE I’VE SLEPT WITH:  Girl can’t figure out who her baby-daddy is, has to track down 500 guys, and realizes she’s a slut who likes to take photos.

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS: Loser fat 20-something year cant get pussy so proceeds to nail hot high school senior, gets stoned, goes on adventure, still cant compare to the epic awesomeness of cheech and chong.

PRECIOUS: Abused pregnant mother of one seeks help from her teachers, steals bucket of chicken once or twice.

PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.

PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME= Guy has a hard time with time machine dagger, endangers entire kingdom.

PULP FICTION: Chris Chelios’ former hockey coach starring as himself, straight up from Inglewood!

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.

RAISING ARIZONA: couple learns they can’t have a baby, steal one and raise it as their own, no biggie.

RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.

RATATOUILLE: Vermin infest restaurant until it is forced to close doors.

RISKY BUSINESS: Privileged rich kid gets everything he wants with no consequences.

ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.

ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.

ROBIN HOOD: MEN IN TIGHTS- we’re men, men, MEN, we’re men in tights, we roam around the forest looking for fiiiiiigggghhhhtttsss

ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.

ROCKY: White man beats black man, Everyone Cheers.

ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

RUDY: Diminutive athlete patronized.

RUSHMORE: Teen molests teacher, is expelled. Finds love.

SALEM WITCH TRIALS: white people get weirder by making up scapegoats for random shit happening.

SAVED: Teen fails to get abortion, makes new friends because of that, we find out Jesus freaks don’t like gays or pregnant teens.

SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous. Wannabe gangsters begin to believe his story is true life, even though there’s proof of Frank Lucas a true gangster.

SCHINDLER’S LIST: Wealthy industrialist expands not-for-profit ventures.

THE SCORPION KING: Brothers embark on legendary adventure and fail, somewhat.

SCOTT PILGRIM: Emotionally immature musician sleeps with high-school girl, gets girlfriend even i'd kill to date.  Manages to defeat her exes.

SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.

SHUTTER ISLAND:  guy searches a case for a woman who murdered her family, realizes it’s his wife, has a small panic attack.

SIGNS: Jesus trumps science apparently aliens are also defeated by water.

SILENCE OF THE LAMBS: Incompetent manipulated by several murderers, stumbles upon suspect completely by accident. Creates situation that allows serial killer to escape.

SLC PUNK: Stevo: Only posers die you fucking idiot!

SLEEPY HOLLOW: Veteran harassed, gets revenge by killing bitch.

SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT: Redneck bootlegger makes mockery of law, sanctity of marriage.

SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS: Lay about stepdaughter shacks up with seven miners, they proceed to sing how she’s a ho.

SON OF RAMBOW:  Boy inspired by Rambo: First Blood decides to make his tribute to it by taking John Rambo on as his dad.

SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.

STARGATE: Random historian helps unlock gate to other worlds, stays behind to fuck a community leaders daughter.

STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.

STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Megalomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.

STAR TREK III: Military officers steal vessel and destroy it to eliminate a handful of enemies while engaged on an extremely vague rescue mission.

STAR TREK IV: Interplanetary fugitives poach wildlife from a past age to cover up an act of genocide.

STAR TREK VI: Racist military commander past his prime nearly ruins galactic peace.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, and attempts patricide.

STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septuagenarian, is lauded.

STEP BROTHERS: guys with autism destroy parents attempt at second chance of love.  Boats and hoes party results in burning boat, massive awesome drum solos happen.

THE STEPFATHER: Local man marries chick with kids that annoy him, does what every man who has stepchildren wishes they could do.

STRAW DOGS: Immigrant clashes with locals.

STRANGE BREW: Canadian guys will do anything for free beer and hockey.

SUNSHINE CLEANING: hot girl learns to clean up messes.

SUPERBAD: Boys plan date rape, sleep together, and confess man love to each other.

SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.

SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.

SWINGERS: Guy makes Gretzky’s head bleed in NHL on Sega.

TEEN WOLF:  Teen has hard time adjusting to finding hair in places he didn’t have before.

TENURE: Professor faked his way through school, decides to go back to school and finish before someone finds out.

TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.

THE BIRDCAGE- homosexual couple teaches governor that it’s ok to bend it like bekham and still raise a straight child.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD: The Butcher becomes a Kidnapper, commits murder several times, for the American Dream of course.

THIS IS SPINAL TAP:  Rock and Roll is a hard lifestyle in the 80s.

TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: the exploitations of law and men who run it, doesn’t teach how to kill mockingbirds at all, misleading manual on killing birds.

TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.

TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.

TRAILER PARK BOYS:  Ricky=I have all these voices in my head especially that one that keeps telling me this is greasy.  I hate it!!!

Bubbles: Ricky that’s your conscience, its telling you what you’re doing is wrong

TROPIC THUNDER: Actors proceed to revive hostile relations with Vietnam, with blank bullets, somehow survive.

TWILIGHT: Stupid Girl gives up college, for a creepy stalker, most movie going girls wish they could fuck due to his paleness and lack of body definition.

UNDERCOVER BROTHER:  WE WANT THE FUNK, GOTTA HAVE THAT FUNK!  You Got Soul!

UP: Old man thinks he can escape the world by moving his house, accidentally kidnaps fat kid.

V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.

VALHALLA RISING:  Viking doesn’t like being a slave, gets lost while escaping.

WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.

WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating with the locals.

WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.

WEEKEND AT BERNIES: Two employees take advantage of their boss’ hospitality.

WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER: The only thing that saves this movie is the lunch cook played by Christopher Meloni.  That’s about it.

WHEN IN ROME: Typical girl really wants guy out of her league when everyone else really likes her but refuses to understand other people like her.

WINTER PASSING: Emotionally disconnected hottie visits dad, and tries to pass judgment on him and his roommates when she’s no slouch herself.

THE X-MEN: Minority group seeks overthrow of social order.

YEAR ONE: Gay couple save hotties and resort to being straight.

ZOMBIELAND: creator of facebook finds himself between a guy wanting a Twinkie and girls pants with his inability to do anything about it.